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Today September 20, 2014

Life Imitating Art

Written by Rudy on April 13, 2012 - 6:12 am -

You're lucky to be reading this Rudy Report, because it was so popular that we almost ran out of issues, but you got one of the last ones, today on "National Blame Someone Else Day." Sometimes life writes stories that are so incredible, you can't possibly make them up. It happens more often than you think! Do you remember Mario Cart?!?


Chelsea FC owner Roman Abramovich has made a list of players that he would like to acquire for next season, totaling almost $400 million in transfer fees. And, in the NHL, the New York Rangers had a great start into the playoffs with an easy win against Ottawa. Canadians just don't know how to play hockey...

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Baron Davis, Carles Puyol, Patrik Elias, Bo Outlaw, Garry Kasparov, Davis Love III, and Australian tongue-twisting soccer sensation David Zdrilic. On this day in 1997, Tiger Woods became the youngest ever player to win the Masters Tournament. Have a great weekend, there is no new Dear Rudy right now, but learn something fascinating about the second man that stepped on the moon in the Random Fact section!

Potentially Close - The former CEO of the San Jose Sharks may become the new owner of the Phoenix Coyotes after years of failed deals for the franchise. Read here. 

Sloppy Seconds - One of the groups interested in acquiring the San Diego Padres tried to buy the Los Angeles Dodgers a few months ago. Read here. 

New Kings - Several business executives in Sacramento are urging the National Basketball Association to find new owners for the Kings. Read here.

Getting It Done - The organizers of the 2014 World Cup in Brazil have promised to have all stadiums ready at least six months before the tournament starts. Read here. 

NBA Playoffs Preview

Written by Rudy on April 12, 2012 - 12:51 pm -

The Rudy Report is seeing artists dying of drug overdoses and Kim Kardashian dating black guys again, which clearly means that the economy is normalizing (something we haven't seen last year), today on "National Look Up at the Sky Day." The Knicks may or may not make the playoffs, but regardless, there are some real favorites out there right now to win this year's championship: Chicago, Miami, and Oklahoma. However, there are also some young stars that will be huge in the future, such as Memphis star Rudy Gay (not a real Rudy!) and Minnesota's Kevin Love...


Italian clubs AC and Inter Milan are doing the right thing, battling to acquire "Rudy Report Athlete of the Year 2011" Mario Balotelli for $38 million. In the top game of the German Bundesliga, Dortmund beat Bayern Munich in a close game 1-0, basically securing the championship. In baseball, the Yankees beat Baltimore, while the Mets lost against Washington. The New York Rangers will take on Ottawa in the first round of the NHL playoffs tonight. And, in the NBA, the Knicks had a fierce fight with Milwaukee for a playoff spot and won the crucial game in the end!

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Ted Ginn Jr., Brad Miller, Paul Lo Duca, and Japanese wrestling legend Nobuhiko Takada. On this day in 1934, the strongest surface wind gust in the world was measured at Mount Washington, New Hampshire, at 231 mph. Have a great day, there is no new Dear Rudy at the moment, but learn something about your brain in the Random Fact section!

TV Rights Disaster - Spanish soccer clubs are facing a financial crisis after TV stations say they cannot afford to pay more than half of what they used to pay for broadcasting rights. Read here.

Against The Plan - Fox is objecting to the Los Angeles Dodgers sale, asking for more details to see whether Time Warner has any involvement in the deal. Read here.

New Attempt - The San Diego Padres have hired two investment banks to try to sell the franchise again, expecting to have a deal within 12 months. Read here.

A Day At The Museum

Written by Rudy on April 11, 2012 - 6:25 am -

This Rudy Report is special, because if you read it backwards, letter by letter from end to beginning, you will notice that it is written in Russian (or Arabic), today on "National Get Your Taxes Ready Day." As you know, Rudy Report readers are refined individuals. They know a lot about everything, including the arts. Rudy is urging everyone to visit a museum every once in a while...


Formula One teams have asked the organization to cancel the race in Bahrain due to continued security concerns in the region. "Rudy Report Athlete of the Year 2011" Mario Balotelli may get a 9-game suspension for a rough foul. In baseball, the Mets' slide into oblivion started with a loss against Washington last night. The Yankees-Baltimore game went into extra innings. Let's just assume the Yankees won... And, in the NBA, the Knicks versus Bulls game started late, which means some other, less flexible sports writer will have to write about this.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Mark Teixeira, Trevor Linden, Jason Varitek, Dustin Rhodes, Chris Ferguson, and Armenian weightlifting legend Ashot Danielyan. On this day in 1921, the first sports broadcast on the radio took place. Have a great day, there is no new Dear Rudy right now, but learn something about a Disney character that you did not know for sure in the Random Fact section!

Motor Money - The owners of the Formula One racing organization are expecting to raise $2 billion from an initial public offering (IPO). Read here.

Important Meetings - The NBA has met with two potential owners for the New Orleans Hornets in New York, setting the stage for a $340 million sale. Read here.

Keep It A Secret - The Los Angeles Dodgers have asked the court not to reveal details surrounding the use of land around the stadium. Read here.

Half Owner - John Moores has decided to keep 51% of the San Diego Padres for now, saying that a sale is still possible, but conditions have changed. Read here.

Guess The Celebrity

Written by Rudy on April 10, 2012 - 7:19 am -

It typically takes 49 days to write a Rudy Report, if you are a normal person that is working day and night, but Rudy does it in less than a day, like today on "National Be Kind to Cats Day." You know the situation: You are out on the street and you see someone that looks just like a famous celebrity that you know. Turns out it wasn't that person. It happens all the time...


New York Knicks guard Jeremy Lin may not be able to return from an injury for the first round of the playoffs. Lamar Odom and the Dallas Mavericks will part ways immediately, which means that there is yet another Kardashian break-up. And, in baseball, the New York Yankees had their first victory of the year against Baltimore, which means that they are on their way to another World Series title, while the Mets beat Washington to stay undefeated, which means that they are about to screw up their season any day now.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Andre Ethier, Alexei Semenov, Kasey Kahne, Sean Avery, and American football legend John Madden. On this day in 1916, the Professional Golfers Association of America was created in New York City. Have a great day, there is no new Dear Rudy right now, but learn something interesting about former riches in the Random Fact section!

Another Home Run - A new report says that Major League Baseball will set another merchandise sales record this season due to several favorable factors. Read here.

Flexible Payments

Written by Rudy on April 09, 2012 - 6:52 am -

A new panel of so-called experts has found that the Rudy Report is more informative than Google, Wikipedia, and TMZ combined, which is nothing new for you, today on "National No House Work Day." We live in a capitalist society, which means that money rules the world. There are now more payment options than ever before. And sometimes, people can get really creative...


Anyways, yesterday was the first time in Rudy Report history that "National Draw a Picture of a Bird Day" fell on a weekend. Nevertheless, one of our most loyal readers, Barney M. Stanley-Smith (who hasn't submitted a Dear Rudy in a while... *crickets*...), did make the effort to submit his award-winning drawing of a bird (please note the attention to detail and the vast landscape in the background). It is the 6th year in a row that he has done it. Thank you and congratulations!


Bubba Watson won the Masters after beating Louis Ooostzzthuiyiyzzczen (or however you may spell that horrendous name) in an exciting playoff. Cambridge beat Oxford in the 158th edition of the famous boat race. New York Giants running back Brandon Jacobs will play for the San Francisco 49ers next season. The New York Knicks remained a playoff candidate after defeating Chicago in overtime. The New York Rangers will play against the Ottawa Senators in the first round of the playoffs. In baseball, the Yankees have lost all three games of the season against Tampa Bay, while the Mets have won all three against Atlanta. How bizarre, how bizarre! And, in the Premier League, Manchester United has all but secured the championship with a win against Queens Park Rangers, while Manchester City lost against Arsenal London. ManU now has an 8-point lead with 6 games to go.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to David Robertson, Jeff Reed, Jacques Villeneuve, and Croatian soccer sensation Jerko Leko (He can be a jerk sometimes...). On this day in 1957, the Suez Canal in Egypt was cleared and opened to shipping. Have a great week, there is no new Dear Rudy right now, but find out which beer you should not drink in the Random Fact section!

Having A Plan - AEG has presented a plan for a football stadium development in Los Angeles, which could change many things in downtown, including traffic. Read here.