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Today April 29, 2017

Christmas Review

Written by Rudy on January 06, 2015 - 8:20 am -

The Rudy Report would like to point out that asthma seems to be on the rise as more and more people have been on the streets proclaiming that they cannot breathe, like today on "National Cuddle Up Day." Anyways, it is now time to review Christmas. For most people, it was the typical, cozy, uneventful event that reminded us that love and materialism actually go well together. For the first time ever, Rudy made his own nativity scene....


Manchester City is targeting Schalke midfield star Julian Draxler with a $38 million bid. In the NBA, the New York Knicks have traded JR Smith and Iman Shumpert to Cleveland to clear up cap space. Meanwhile, the Knicks lost against Memphis, while Brooklyn got beaten by Dallas in overtime.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Jameis Winston, Andy Carroll, Asante Samuel, Gilbert Arenas, Henry Maske, and Indian cricket legend Kapil "The Haryana Hurricane" Dev. On this day in 1994, Nancy Kerrigan was clubbed on the knee at the US Figure Skating Championships in Detroit. Have a great day, there is no new Dear Rudy right now, but you can find out what movies you need to watch if you want to lose weight in the Random Fact section!

On The Move - The St. Louis Rams are set to move to Los Angeles as owner Stan Kroenke has detailed plans to build a new stadium in Inglewood. Read here.

Italian Job - A new article outlines the plans of the new FC Bologna owner as the city is hoping for a quick return to the Serie A. Read here.

Tough Competition - There are two extremely motivated groups that are competing to bring a Major League Soccer franchise to Minneapolis. Read here.

Line Break

Written by Rudy on January 05, 2015 - 7:17 am -

The Rudy Report would like to wish you a Happy New Year as we return for the first time in 2015, and we would like to remind you not to wear a red polo shirt when you go shopping at Target, like today on "National Personal Trainer Awareness Day." Anyways, when you write something, it is important to be concise and clear, just like the Rudy Report. However, the importance of line breaks is usually grossly underestimated, so pay attention to detail....


Liverpool star Steven Gerrard is leaving the club at the end of the season to play for Major League Soccer franchise LA Galaxy. Meanwhile, in the Premier League, Tottenham beat Chelsea 5-3 in a high-scoring game. At the PDC World Darts Championship, Gary Anderson became world champion, upsetting favorite and former Rudy Report Athlete of the Year Phil "The Power" Taylor in a thriller. In the NFL Playoffs, Dallas, Indianapolis, Baltimore, and Carolina advanced to the next round. And, in the NBA, the New York Knicks lost against Milwaukee, while Brooklyn had a loss against Miami.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Andrew Golota, Ron Kittle, Uli Hoeness, Jim Otto, and Latvian javelin throwing legend Vadims Vasilevskis. On this day in 1933, construction of the Golden Gate Bridge began in San Francisco. Have a great year, there is no new Dear Rudy at the moment, but you can learn something about Ryan Gosling that you absolutely did not know before in the Random Fact section!

Banned - Despite resistance, FC Barcelona will not be able to buy any new players until 2016 for violating players registration rules. Read here.

Make A U-Turn

Written by Rudy on December 19, 2014 - 6:24 am -

While you are probably still talking about the "Rudy Report Athlete of the Year 2014" edition from yesterday, this will actually be the last Rudy Report of the year, before we return on January 5th, 2015, today on "National Sangria Day." So enjoy the Holidays as you celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah or whatever tradition your newly-emancipated, hipster religion has come up with. Anyways, this is where the road for this year ends. It's painful, but we will be back next year....


The Dallas Mavericks have made a trade for Celtics star Rajon Rondo, seriously trying to win a championship with an aging squad. Dortmund striker Marco "Rolls" Reus has to pay a fine of more than $660,000 for driving without a valid driver's license. The NFL featured a game between Jacksonville and Tennessee. No score could be verified, because nobody watched. And, in the NBA, the New York Knicks lost against Chicago.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Jake Plummer, Rafael Soriano, Tom Gugliotta, Kevin McHale, and Finnish javelin throwing sensation Tero Pitamaki. On this day in 1983, the original FIFA World Cup trophy, the Jules Rimet Trophy, was stolen from the Brazilian Football Federation headquarters in Rio. Have a great Christmas and start into 2015, there is no new Dear Rudy right now, but you can learn something interesting about alcohol in the Random Fact section!

Russia One - A new report finds that Mikhail Prokhorov's ownership of the Brooklyn Nets is his safest investment retaining a solid value despite economic turmoil and his crumbling net worth. Read here.

Russia Two - Due to the economic crisis in Russia, hockey league KHL could be forced to cut player salaries in half, giving the NHL an edge to sign more stars. Read here.

The Italian Job - AC Milan owner Silvio Berlusconi is providing 70 million Euros for his club this year in order to fund huge losses. Read here.

Tough Competition - Sports powerhouse Sky could face tough competition in the United Kingdom with the emergence of the BT Group, which is set to bid for Premier League rights. Read here.

The Rudy Report Athlete Of The Year 2014

Written by Rudy on December 18, 2014 - 8:04 am -

The day you have all been waiting for has finally arrived as we announced the "Rudy Report Athlete of the Year 2014", today on "National Re-Gifting Day." The Rudy Report jury, consisting of Rudy, sat down for months to evaluate the best athletes of the year. As you know, we are always looking for more than just outstanding performances. Luis Suarez took a bite out of the other candidates' votes, but was it enough? Or was it the switch-hitting Adrian Peterson? Well, none of them came close to the man who will succeed these "Rudy Report Athletes of the Year" winners from the past. The elite of the elite:

- Roger Clemens (2007)

- Michael Vick (2008)

- Phil "The Power" Taylor (2009)

- Paul the Octopus (2010)

- Mario Balotelli (2011)

- Ryan Lochte (2012)

- Alex Rodriguez (2013)

Without further ado, the Rudy Report is presenting the award's 2014 winner: Raymell Mourice (his family would like to apologize for the typos in his first names) "Ray" Rice. Congratulations!


As always, there are many reasons why Ray Rice set himself apart from the rest. He (literally) beat the competition. As a running back, he showed his stiff arm on and off the field consistently, making him a knockout performer in 2014. In addition, he had an extremely compelling elevator pitch that swayed the judges. In the future, Rice could be joining the Ultimate Elevator Fighting Championship to compete with other stars, such as Jay-Z and his sister-in-law Solange Knowles. He also showed his soft side when he accepted his wife's apology, when she came "running back" to him after the incident. And, finally, as you can see in the picture, wearing a fancy suit, he is a big hit with the ladies. Bill Cosby would be proud.

Real Madrid is ready to pay more than $50 million for Manchester United goalkeeper David de Gea, which would be a new record for a goalie. And, in the NBA, Brooklyn lost against Toronto.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Stone Cold Steve Austin, Mario Basler, Arantxa Sanchez Vicario, Trish Stratus, and Dutch darts legend Vincent "The Dutch Destroyer" van der Voort. On this day in 1958, Project SCORE, the world's first communications satellite, was launched. Have a great day, there is no new Dear Rudy right now, but you can learn something you did not know before about Benjamin Franklin in the Random Fact section!

Hot Takeover - There are rumors that the government of Qatar will bid $1.6 billion to acquire Premier League club Tottenham Hotspur. Read here.

Staying Put - The San Diego Chargers have announced that they will stay in their current stadium in 2015, which means that the Raiders or Rams are more likely to move to LA. Read here.

Finish Line - Telecommunications company Sprint has announced that they will not be renewing their NASCAR title sponsorship contract, which expires in 2016. Read here.


Written by Rudy on December 17, 2014 - 7:03 am -

Tomorrow will be the biggest day of the year, when the Rudy Report will officially announce who will succeed Alex Rodriguez as the "Rudy Report Athlete of the Year", but not yet today on "National Maple Syrup Day." Anyways, Uber is a great and efficient service that you can use when you need a ride. They offer a lot, which upsets regular taxi drivers all around the world. But Uber cannot offer this....


Bayern Munich is said to be joining the race to sign Liverpool star Raheem Sterling. In the NBA, the New York Knicks got crushed by Dallas, while Brooklyn lost against Miami. And, in the NHL, the New York Rangers beat Calgary.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Chase Utley, Tim Wiese, Paula Radcliffe, Rocco Mediate, and Kazakh-Russian gymnastics legend Valeri Liukin. On this day in 1892, the first issue of Vogue magazine was published. Have a great day, there is no new Dear Rudy at the moment, but you can learn something not so cool about flies in the Random Fact section!

Comeback Kid - A new article examines Tiger Woods' commercial return and his ability to further increase his net worth of currently $1 billion. Read here.