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Year In Review

Written by Rudy on December 23, 2011 - 9:04 am -

The Rudy Report is coming to you for the last time this year, but you can already get excited about a great 2012, in which we will basically do the same thing we do every year, kind of like today on "National Candy Cane Day." Don't worry the Rudy Report will return on Monday, January 9th, 2012. Since this is the last report in 2011, Rudy thinks it is appropriate to review the year a little bit. But just real quick, and only the most important aspects. Here we go...

Beyonce getting pregnant... 


Hurricane Irene on the East Coast...


The Royal Wedding...


And, of course, the NBA lockout...


In sports news, AC Milan is trying to sign Chelsea striker Torres to a loan agreement. Meanwhile, super talents Mario Goetze and Marco Reus could join Bayern Munich next season. And, in the NHL, the New York Rangers beat the Islanders 4-2 at Madison Square Garden.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Alge Crumpler (name sounds more like something gross growing in the ocean), Jim Harbaugh, Vicente del Bosque, Paul Hornung, Brad Lidge, and Jamaican-Canadian (yes) boxing legend Otis Grant. On this day in 1994, MLB team owners imposed a salary cap, which was fiercely opposed by players. Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, send in your new Dear Rudy questions, and learn something about languages that you probably already knew in the Random Fact section!

German Takeover - A questionable German investor has bought a 20% minority stake in Spanish club Real Mallorca from tennis star Rafael Nadal. Read here.

Keep Going - The creditors of struggling club Los Angeles Dodgers are against an attempt by Fox to halt the sale of the franchise. Read here.

The Rudy Report Athlete Of The Year 2011

Written by Rudy on December 22, 2011 - 10:15 am -

Ladies and gentlemen, the Rudy Report's most anticipated issue of the year has finally arrived as we crown the "2011 Rudy Report Athlete of the Year" - an award only comparable to the invention of air, the discovery of St. Barth's, or the construction of the Alps - today on "National No Interruptions Day." So let's not interrupt and jump right into it!

Just to refresh your memory. Past winners of the most-prestigious "Rudy Report Athlete of the Year" award have been:

- Roger Clemens (2007)

- Michael Vick (2008)

- Phil "The Power" Taylor (2009)

- Paul the Octopus (2010)

This year has been especially tough as lots of leagues lost their keys and locked themselves out. It came down to a close race between two contenders. On the one hand, Penn State football coach Jerry Sandusky, who through his love, passion, and close relationships to his players, showed the world that football is so much more than guys crashing into each other on the field. On the other hand, it was... well.... our new Rudy Report Athlete of the Year 2011, who tipped the decision in his favor with a last minute effort last week, getting into his third fight with a teammate this year alone:


Mario Balotelli

Congratulations! First of all, he looks more like a Jamal Johnson than a Mario Balotelli, I know, but let's forget about that little fact about this ITALIAN guy. Mario has fought extremely hard this year to win this highly-acclaimed prize. Some of the deeds and aspects that made him this year's winner include, but are not limited to:

1.) Premier League club Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli was involved in a car crash earlier in 2011. Upon checking his car, police questioned him why he was carrying more than GBP 5,000 in cash in his car to which Mario simply responded: "Because I'm rich."

2.) While injured, he visited Italy and drove into a women's prison, which led to further questioning by the police.

3.) Forcing the coach to take him out of a game against Dynamo Kiev, after suffering a bizarre allergic reaction to the grass.

4.) Struggling to put on and then later take off a training bib while warming up before entering a game in the Europa League. (See here.

5.) After being frustrated by the bib incident, he later kung fu kicks an opponent and is sent off with a red card.

6.) Getting fined GBP 100,000 for throwing darts at younger team members from a first floor window at the club's training ground.

7.) Running up more than GBP 10,000 in parking tickets after abandoning his Maserati in front of a Manchester restaurant.

8.) Getting into 3 separate, physical fights with teammates throughout the year. 

9.) Being called "crazy" by his coach in public.

10.) Confronting a bully in a school after asking why a young Manchester City fan was not at school.

11.) Randomly giving GBP 1,000 to a homeless guy on the street.

12.) Setting his home on fire after trying to shoot fireworks through his bathroom window the night before a big game, subsequently becoming an official "Ambassador of Firework Safety" for the city of Manchester.

13.) Revealing a shirt under his jersey that read "Why always me?" after scoring a goal in the derby against Manchester United.

Well, that should have convinced even the fiercest critics. Now let's see how he will move into the real spotlight after winning the award. 

Anyways, the New York Giants will take on the Jets on Saturday. Other than that, there weren't too many sports news, because everyone was focused on the Rudy Report Athlete of the Year issue. Floyd Mayweather was sentenced to 90 days in jail for beating his baby mama. And, in the NBA, the Knicks beat New Jersey at the new Madison Square Garden.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Greg Biffle, Dan Petrescu, Giuseppe Bergomi, Bernd Schuster, Lonnie Smith, and Russian gymnastics legend Dmitry Bilozerchev. On this day in 1962, the 1,000,000th NBA point was scored. Have a great day, there is no new Dear Rudy at the moment, but learn something about hamsters that you did not know for sure in the Random Fact section!

Questionable Perks - The new minority owners of the New York Mets, who will each invest $20 million, will have a range of disappointing perks at their disposal. Read here.

Ivory League

Written by Rudy on December 21, 2011 - 8:27 am -

We are just one short day away from announcing the prestigious "2011 Rudy Report Athlete of the Year", which will change the person's (or animal's, see Paul the Octopus) life, after today on "National Flashlight Day." Education is important. That's why the Rudy Report is teaching you something new every day. Schools across the globe are trying to copy the successful Ivy League model. In the Ivory Coast, they have started with just one university forming the Ivory League. Hey, it's a start!

Education 1_1

Kris Humphries was a free agent after his split from Kim Kardashian, and now he is going from bad to worse: to the New Jersey Nets. A former Kardashian on a team that will move from New Jersey to Brooklyn. Can it get any worse?!?! And, in the NHL, the Rangers beat New Jersey 4-1.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Mike Alstott, Mark Ingram Jr., Chris Evert, and Latvian soccer legend Mihails Zemlinskis. On this day in 1951, Joe DiMaggio announced his retirement. Have a great day, there is no new Dear Rudy right now, but find out some more about the difference between men and women in the Random Fact section!

Delay Of Game - Premier League club Manchester United has decided to delay its public offering at the Singapore stock exchange due to global volatility. Read here.

Holding On - Billionaire Paul Allen has said that he does not intend to sell the Portland Trail Blazers, despite rumors suggesting the contrary. Read here. 

Unintended Results

Written by Rudy on December 20, 2011 - 9:22 am -

The Rudy Report returns to your computer screen until the rest of the week, before we'll take a short break and return in the new year, but it's not 2012 yet, today on "National Wear a Plunger on Your Head Day." Nothing in the Rudy Report happens by chance. Ever. We have this fresh and youthful spirit, but make no mistake, everything is very well planned. Not every news outlet can say that for itself....


Baron Davis has officially joined the New York Knicks. FC Barcelona has easily won the FIFA Club World Cup. One of the favorites to win the World Darts Championship, Raymond "Barney" van Barneveld, shockingly has been eliminated in the first round. And, Monday Night Football once again featured a game not worthy of mentioning, so look up the results somewhere else...

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to David Wright, Roy Williams, Michael Rogers, Ashley Cole, Alister McRae, Rich Gannon, Cory Stillman, and Zimbabwean cricket legend Grant Flower. On this day in 1991, the NHL granted permanent membership to the Tampa Bay Lightning and the Ottawa Senators. Have a great day, there is no new Dear Rudy at the moment, but learn something about tattoos that is pretty obvious in the Random Fact section!

Different Valuations - A new report suggests that the Forbes value of the Seattle Mariners may be understated as appraisals in a divorce trial recommend a different price tag. Read here.

Appropriate Name

Written by Rudy on December 19, 2011 - 11:59 am -

The Rudy Report is just days away from revealing the "2011 Rudy Report Athlete of the Year" this week on Thursday, but until then you can send in your nominations, like today on "National Believe It or Not Day." This is the time of the year, when most organizations ask you to make a donation and do something good. The Rudy Report does good things all year. Credibility is always a big issue. Hence, it's important to have strong leadership that stands for an institution's message. Like this CEO (no joke) right here...


In the next round of the UEFA Champions League, AC Milan will play against Arsenal London in the top game, while Barcelona will be facing German club Leverkusen. In the Premier League, ManU and Liverpool won their games, while Chelsea had a rough 1-1 against Wigan. Manchester City beat Arsenal in the week's top match-up 1-0 thanks to a goal scored by David Silva. The Texas Rangers may be interested in star player Prince Fielder. In the NFL, the Giants had an abysmal loss against Washington, while the Jets got crushed by Philadelphia. And, in the NHL, the Rangers beat Phoenix, while the Islanders beat Minnesota on Saturday.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Warren Sapp, Jake Plummer, Tom Gugliotta, Alberto Tomba, and Russian cycling legend Zulfiya Zabirova (always last in the alphabet, but first in the 1996 Olympics). On this day in 1917, the first NHL game on artificial ice was played in Toronto. Have a great week, there is currently no new Dear Rudy, but learn the difference between the Beatles and the Rolling Stones in the Random Fact section!

New Deal - ESPN is extending its contract with the National Collegiate Athletic Association ("NCAA") thru 2024 for $500 million. Read here.

Selling The Stake - AEG plans to sell its stake in Major League Soccer franchise Dynamo Houston, trying to find a local buyer for 50% of the team. Read here.