Warning: session_start() [function.session-start]: open(/home/content/04/3254704/tmp/sess_3sio1s27ive6h8vguptcqqvpm7, O_RDWR) failed: No such file or directory (2) in /home/content/04/3254704/html/private/services/SessionService.php on line 6

Warning: session_start() [function.session-start]: Cannot send session cookie - headers already sent by (output started at /home/content/04/3254704/html/private/services/SessionService.php:6) in /home/content/04/3254704/html/private/services/SessionService.php on line 6

Warning: session_start() [function.session-start]: Cannot send session cache limiter - headers already sent (output started at /home/content/04/3254704/html/private/services/SessionService.php:6) in /home/content/04/3254704/html/private/services/SessionService.php on line 6


Recent Comments

Today March 22, 2019

Shopping Spree

Written by Rudy on April 12, 2011 - 9:25 am -

The Rudy Report is still flabbergasted that not one person from South Dakota, but hundreds of people in France, have visited the website, which can only be explained by a complete and utter absence of the internet in this lonely, lonely state, today on "National Look Up at the Sky Day." Anyways, you have probably been thinking of buying some clothes for the summer. Hurry up before others grab what you want. Shopping season is on...


Famous US athlete Carl Lewis has announced that he wants to run for state senate in New Jersey, which is weird, because usually people would want to run from New Jersey. The Champions League quarterfinals will continue later today. And, in baseball, the Mets lost against Colorado.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Brad Miller, Ted Ginn Jr., Roman Hamrlik, Paul Lo Duca, Adam Graves, and Italian Formula One enfant terrible Flavio Briatore. On this day in 1955, the polio vaccine, developed by Dr. Jonas Salk, was declared safe and effective. Have a great day, check out a brand-new Dear Rudy about people that should be banned from owning a sports team, and learn something about walking to work in the Random Fact section!

Stan Has Got It - After years of board room shuffles, Stan Kroenke has finally made a bid to take control of Premier League club Arsenal London for $1.2 billion. Read here.

Still Looking - Executives at the Atlanta Thrashers are saying that the search for a new franchise owner may take longer than anticipated. Read here.

Talking About Hornets - Former New Orleans Hornets owner George Shinn is talking about the sale of the franchise to the NBA and previous attempts to sell the team. Read here.

Limo Etiquette 101

Written by Rudy on April 11, 2011 - 9:16 am -

The Rudy Report can neither confirm, nor deny rumors that the European Union has asked Rudy for a comprehensive bailout, because the situation remains fluid, today on "National Name Yourself Day." Prom season is coming up soon and some of the younger readers may want to order a limo to take them to the dance. However, make sure to behave inside the vehicle, and, if you live in a hilly neighborhood, make sure your car will be able to actually get you there...


Okay, so the guy with the - hands down - dumbest name in the tournament won the Masters: Charl Schwarzel (His name is incomplete! Did his parents fall asleep halfway through naming him? Sounds very douchy...). Anyways, he joins a long list of other famous people named Charl: Charl Schwab, Charl Sheen, Charl Brown, Charl Norris, or Charl Chaplin. In the Premier League, Chelsea, ManU, and Arsenal won. Liverpool will play against ManCity tonight. In baseball, the Mets lost against Washington. The Yankees probably beat Boston, but then again, who's checking?!?! In the NBA, the Knicks beat Indiana. And, in the NHL, the Rangers beat New Jersey on Saturday, which was just enough to qualify for the playoffs. Congratulations!

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Mark Teixeira, Trevor Linden, Chris Ferguson, Marcello Lippi, and Armenian weightlifting legend Ashot Danielyan. On this day in 1905, Albert Einstein revealed his Theory of Relativity; a fairly easy concept of geometric theory explaining space-time in relation to the curvature of four-momentum matter in a system of partial differential equations. If everything in life was that easy... Have a great week, there is no new Dear Rudy right now, but learn something about Hong Kong that you didn't know in the Random Fact section!

Got It Done - Billionaire Tom Gores has successfully signed a tentative agreement to purchase the Detroit Pistons from Karen Davidson for $420 million. Read here.

Elite Eight - A new report concludes that there are eight bidders now for a minority stake in the New York Mets, which could lead to a higher price. Read here.

Waiting For A Vote - Minnesota Vikings executives are still hopeful that politicians will approve plans for a new taxpayer funded NFL stadium. Read here.

Growing Opposition - The Los Angeles Lakers are set to oppose a planned move of the Sacramento Kings to Anaheim, which could be a significant road block. Read here.

Standing Out From The Crowd

Written by Rudy on April 08, 2011 - 8:19 am -

As you know, and I have said this before, the Rudy Report has never had any improvements or changes to the site and style of the report since the launch of the website a few years ago, because it is impossible to improve something that is already perfect (CNN and Facebook still make changes, think about it), like the one today on "National Draw a Picture of a Bird Day" (yes, it's that time of the year again). Here's a quick quiz for you: Can you tell what's wrong with the picture below? Correct answer: The third girl from the right is wearing a white jacket! Didn't get the memo...

Stand Out 1_1

At the Masters, little boy Rory McIlroy has taken the lead with a solid 7 under round. The number one golfer in the world, Martin Kaymer, had a complete breakdown. LeBron James' mother got arrested in Miami for allegedly attacking a valet. Great family. Women ski jumping was finally approved as a competition at the Olympic Games. I can't think of anything more exciting...not! It looks like Real Madrid will face Barcelona 4 times in the next few weeks (Champions League twice, La Liga, and Cup). What a great set-up for soccer fans! In baseball, the Yankees beat Minnesota, while the Mets got absolutely obliterated by the Phillies. And, in the NHL, the Rangers lost against Atlanta, putting their playoff chances at risk.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Terry Porter, Mark Blundell, Alex Gonzalez, and British high-jumping legend Dalton Grant. On this day in 2008, the construction of the world's first building with wind turbines was completed in Bahrain. Have a great weekend, there is still no new Dear Rudy, but you can learn something about men that you absolutely need to know in the Random Fact section!

Taking A Stake - LeBron James has taken a stake in Premier League club Liverpool FC and also entered into a partnership with the owners of the Boston Red Sox. Read here.

Closer Than Ever - An agreement for Tom Gores to buy the Detroit Pistons from current owner Karen Davidson appears to be close and the deal could be announced soon. Read here.

You Are What You Wear

Written by Rudy on April 07, 2011 - 7:40 am -

The Rudy Report thinks that what you are wearing looks really nice, so keep it up and feel good for the rest of the day, today on "National No House Work Day." The Masters golf tournament is starting in Augusta this morning. Tiger Woods will have no chance to win. He also has no chance to win the award for "Most Stylish Player." That award will go to John Daly...


The German soccer league Bundesliga has taken out an additional 100 million Euro insurance policy against terrorist attacks as threat levels have been elevated. In the Champions League quarterfinals, Chelsea lost at home against Manchester United 1-0, while Barcelona beat Donezk 5-1. In baseball, the Yankees-Twins game was postponed due to rain, and the Mets lost against Philadelphia. In the NHL, the Islanders lost against Boston. And, in the NBA, the Knicks beat Philadelphia thanks to 31 points from Carmelo Anthony.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Franck Ribery, Tiki Barber, Ronde Barber, James "Buster" Douglas, and Italian fencing legend Edoardo Mangiarotti (who can ever forget his six Olympic gold medals from 1936 to 1960?). On this day in 1795, France adopted the meter as the basic measure of length. However, to this day, French men still use millimeters to measure their, uh, Napoleons... Have a great day, there is currently no new Dear Rudy, but find out why you should name your cows in the Random Fact section!

Meet And Fix - Frank McCourt is meeting with Major League Baseball to find a way to raise $200 million to keep the Dodgers and settle his divorce. Read here.

Not In The Hunt - Rumors that Rogers Communications may be interested in taking over the Toronto Maple Leafs and MLSE have been rebuffed as other bidders vie for the assets. Read here.

Let's Talk - The new head of the international racing federation FIA wants to renegotiate contracts with Formula One racing, because they are deemed inappropriate. Read here.

Meeting The Terms - There are three bidders for a minority stake in the New York Mets that meet the Wilpon's criteria, which could lead to a deal soon. Read here.


Written by Rudy on April 06, 2011 - 7:44 am -

This Rudy Report will make history, because for the first time ever, women (just kidding, don't be mad, women, we love you) will be allowed to read the report, today on "National Fresh Celery Day." Anyways, just wanted to share some tech news with you. Some smart scientists have invented a new kind of portable satellite system that will allow you to watch TV with your dawgs virtually anywhere...


Dennis Rodman and Chris Mullin are among several personalities that will be inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame. In the UEFA Champions League, Schalke crushed Inter Milan on the road 5-2 in a stunning match. Real Madrid easily beat Tottenham at home 4-0. In baseball, the Mets beat Philadelphia, while the Yankees lost against Minnesota. And, in the NBA, the Knicks beat Toronto.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Tim Hasselbeck, Robert Kovac, Olaf Koelzig, Bret Boone, and American drag racing legend Don "The Snake" Prudhomme. On this day in 1808, John Jacob Astor incorporated the American Fur Corporation, eventually leading him to become America's first millionaire. Have a great day, there is no new Dear Rudy right now, but find out why you may be in danger when singing karaoke in North Carolina in the Random Fact section!

Not Yet Settled - The divorce of the McCourt family may be settled soon, which could trigger a much-needed TV deal with Fox to save the Dodgers financially. Read here.

Global Presence - A new study has found that rugby is one of the fastest-growing sports in the world, with the number of active players increasing by 19%. Read here.

Still Waiting For The Ranger - Scottish soccer club Glasgow Rangers are close to being sold to Craig Whyte, who has pledged to invest at least GBP 25 million in the club. Read here.

Warning: Unknown: open(/home/content/04/3254704/tmp/sess_3sio1s27ive6h8vguptcqqvpm7, O_RDWR) failed: No such file or directory (2) in Unknown on line 0

Warning: Unknown: Failed to write session data (files). Please verify that the current setting of session.save_path is correct () in Unknown on line 0