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Today March 22, 2019

Making The Cut

Written by Rudy on March 29, 2011 - 8:52 am -

This Rudy Report is a special edition, because if you read it very slowly, you will be more relaxed and refreshed, as opposed to reading the New Yorker, which just stresses you out with all the pseudo-intellectual stuff, today on "National Joe Day" (everyone who hates their name can be called "Joe" today). Sometimes people spend way too much time marketing a product, while forgetting about the product itself. Packaging and functionality, for example, matter. Here is one example: the new "Catch 22 Scissors"...


Manchester United will play against a Major League Soccer team in the league's All-Star Game in New Jersey in July. Barcelona is not willing to pay the 50 million Euro asking price by Arsenal for midfielder Cesc Fabregas. And, in the NBA, the Knicks had a huge overtime win against Orlando.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Rui Costa, Jennifer Capriati, Earl Campbell, Walt Frazier, and Estonian tennis sensation Juergen Zopp. On this day in 1886, Dr. John Pemberton brewed the first batch of Coca-Cola in a backyard in Atlanta, Georgia. I probably said that last year, but who cares? Have a great day, there is still the incredible new Dear Rudy about holidays, and you can learn something about Hawaii that you may not know in the Random Fact section!

On The Verge - The deal to sell the Houston Astros to local businessman Jim Crane is close to completion as both parties agree to major terms. Read here.

No Money Ball - A new report finds that billionaire owners don't exert tight control over their Major League Baseball franchises as opposed to owners in other leagues. Read here.

Helping With The Move - The city of Anaheim is tempted to finance the Sacramento Kings $75 million move to secure a basketball team for the town. Read here.

Home Improvement

Written by Rudy on March 28, 2011 - 7:44 am -

The Rudy Report would like to congratulate you for reading this edition, because, as you can probably tell, you are already smarter and we are still in the first sentence, today on "National Respect Your Cat Day." When you build a home, you have to be smart. Many mistakes can be made in the process. One of the most important places in your home is, of course, the bathroom...

Toilet 1_2

Few people know that Kobe Bryant would have almost been picked up by the New Jersey Nets in the 1996 Draft, which could have altered history significantly. The Rudy Report would like to congratulate Rudy favorite UConn, Kentucky, Butler, and VCU for screwing up every bracket in the nation. Oxford won the boat race against Cambridge. World champion Sebastian Vettel won the first Formula One race of the season in Australia. In the NHL, the Rangers beat Boston, while the Islanders lost against Philadelphia. And, in the NBA, the Knicks lost against Charlotte on Saturday.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Luke Walton, Erik Rasmussen, Ivan Helguera, and Lithuanian cycling legend Aiga Zagorska. On this day in 845, Paris was sacked by the Vikings, led by Ragnar Lodbrok, who collected a huge ransom in exchange for leaving. A normal day in France... Have a great week, there is a fantastic brand-new Dear Rudy about the worst holidays of the year, and you can learn something about Amish folks in the Random Fact section!

Continuing Bad News - Aside from a potentially disastrous Madoff lawsuit, the New York Mets have reportedly suffered more than $50 million in losses last year. Read here.

The Chosen One - Architecture firm Gensler has been chosen by AEG to design the new $1 billion National Football League stadium in downtown Los Angeles. Read here.

A Word On Germany

Written by Rudy on March 25, 2011 - 9:18 am -

This Rudy Report Weekend Edition has been the most highly-anticipated weekend edition since last week as Rudy gets ready to break the 60,000 follower mark on Twitter soon, but probably not today on "National Napping At Work Day." As a site that prides itself to discriminate against everyone equally, Rudy realized that we haven't made fun of the Germans in a while. It is about time to change that today! However, it is difficult to poke fun if there is no reason. Looks like it's a normal day in Germany...


Mike "Coach K" Krzyzewski (alternate spelling: Krzyzyyywqhqghgqhygeski) is denying rumors that he will succeed Phil Jackson as the Lakers coach. The Rudy Report would like to congratulate UConn for making it to the Elite Eight! They are now amongst the favorites to win the tournament. And, in the NHL, the Rangers lost against Ottawa, while the Islanders had a loss versus Atlanta.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Vladimir Klitschko, Danica Patrick, Avery Johnson, and Bulgarian high jumping legend Stefka Kostadinova. On this day in 1584, Sir Walter Raleigh was granted a patent to colonize Virginia. Who wouldn't want to colonize a place that has a town with exactly your name?!?! Have a great weekend, there is still no new Dear Rudy, but you can learn something really interesting about yourself in the Random Fact section!

Cloudy Event - The organizers of the World Cup in Qatar have said that scientist will produce $500,000 clouds that will be used to make stadiums cooler. Read here.

On The Edge - A court filing hints that the New York Mets may have to default on their debt if the owners have to settle with the Madoff trustee. Read here.

Calling The Fans - A Canadian businessman has come up with a plan that could have fans take ownership of the Toronto Maple Leafs for $1,000 shares. Read here.

Obey The Sign

Written by Rudy on March 24, 2011 - 8:01 am -

The Rudy Report is proud to announce that Moody's reiterated our unique, yet justified AAAA-rating (read: quadruple A), making us the best deal in the world, today on "National Anonymous Giving Day." Some things in life come and go, like, for example, Brett Favre. Some things will always be there, such as the Rudy Report. And then there are things that, well, fall in between the two categories...


Construction for venues for the Olympic Winter Games in Sochi, Russia, is on track for a timely completion, according to the International Olympic Committee. Lionel Messi is the world's best paid soccer player, making 31 million Euros a year, followed by Cristiano Ronaldo (27.5 million) and Wayne Rooney (20.7 million). And, in the NBA, the Knicks lost against Orlando. Maybe they can set a new losing streak record thanks to Carmelo Anthony?

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Chris Bosh, Gary Paffett, Peyton Manning, and Australian rugby league football legend Darren "Locky" Lockyer. On this day in 1900, New York City mayor Robert Anderson Van Wyck broke ground for a new underground "Rapid Transit Railroad" that would like Manhattan and Brooklyn. Why?!?! Unnecessary... Have a great day, there is still no new Dear Rudy, but find out what you will do in your lifetime if you're an average American in the Random Fact section!

Value Investing - The New York Yankees remain the most valuable baseball team at $1.7 billion, which is twice as much as second-placed Boston, while the Mets' value dropped. Read here.

Ready To Move In - The mayor of Anaheim says that the city is close to getting the Sacramento Kings to move to town as negotiations seem positive. Read here.

Getting Out Of Debt - While remaining successful on the field, Spanish La Liga club Barcelona is working on reducing its debt load. Read here.

Creative Cooking

Written by Rudy on March 23, 2011 - 12:49 pm -

The Rudy Report would like to deny rumors that it has hired and subsequently fired Donald Trump as an apprentice, because he wouldn't be qualified in the first place, today on "National Turtle Day." Rudy knows more about eating than cooking, but that doesn't mean that there is a lack of creativity when coming up with award-winning meals. So what do you do when you don't have anything to mix your ingredients? Well, you do this...


The New York Knicks are back to their usual selves, having lost 6 out of the last 7 games. But they did not lose last night... because they didn't play. Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver Hines Ward is doing well on "Dancing with the Stars." And, in the NHL, the Rangers beat Florida, and the Islanders beat Tampa Bay.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Maurice Jones-Drew, Mark Buehrle, Ron Jaworski, Joel Peralta, and Japanese baseball legend Tetsuharu Kawakami. On this day in 1857, Elisha Otis' first elevator was installed at 488 Broadway in New York City. Have a great day, there is no new Dear Rudy right now, but find out about the first ever speeding ticket in the Random Fact section!

Not A Chance - The owners of the New York Mets are setting a price, but no percentage interest in the team, which means that they will not give up control. Read here.

Increasing Stake - Russian billionaire Alisher Usmanov has accumulated more than 27% in Premier League club Arsenal London, which he could use for a complete takeover. Read here.

No Distraction - The Minnesota Vikings state that difficult labor talks and the fear of a lockout in the NFL are no distraction in the franchise's quest for a new stadium. Read here.

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