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Today April 29, 2017

Politics Explained

Written by Rudy on April 16, 2010 - 5:30 am -

A high level of enjoyment and huge laughter after reading the Rudy Report is what caused the eruption of a volcano in Iceland yesterday, which is just one of the many things that can happen in the Rudy world, today on "National Stress Awareness Day." You always hear about politicians and lobbyists in the news, but they fail to tell you what that really means. Rudy is here to help! We have a picture for you that pretty much explains everything without having to say a word...


The NBA Playoffs are set to begin and there are some interesting match-ups. For example, the New York Knicks will play against the guys on West 4th Street. In baseball, the Yankees beat the Angels again. The Mets beat Colorado. And, in the NHL, Boston lost Game 1 against Buffalo.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Jonathan Vilma, Conchita Martinez, Rafael Benitez, Bill Belichick, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. On this day in 1853, the first passenger rail opened in India, going from Bombay to Thane. And you can only imagine how many guys were hanging onto the train from outside... Have a great weekend, there is still no new Dear Rudy, but check out something interesting about gambling in the Random Fact section!

Ready To Go - The Red Knights investor group is ready to submit paperwork for a formal bid to take over Manchester United from the Glazer family. Read here.

Money Trouble - Insiders say that the Texas Rangers terms of sale need to be changed or else the franchise could face bankruptcy. Read here.

Change To Come - A new report says that there are several groups interested in buying the Dallas Stars which could help the team get better. Read here.

Sale Threat - British sports bank Seymour Pierce could take over soccer club Birmingham City if the team is unable to pay for several fees it owes to the bank. Read here.

Getting Creative - The city of Minnesota and the Minnesota Vikings are coming up with creative ideas on how to secure funding for a new stadium. Read here.

Positive Outlook - National Hockey League commissioner Gary Bettman thinks that the sale of the Phoenix Coyotes can now proceed without problems. Read here.

Russian Racing - Formula One boss Bernie Ecclestone wants to have a race in Sochi where the 2014 Olympic Winter games will be held. Read here.

Where Are They Now?

Written by Rudy on April 15, 2010 - 6:00 am -

The Rudy Report would like to remind you to pay your taxes, unless you think you can get away with it, but that's totally up to your judgment, today on "National Fly a Kite Day." Today's edition once again features the popular headline of "Where Are They Now?" Over the years, we have looked back on some occasions to see what happened to past celebrities. Well, everyone will surely remember "Balloon Boy" from last year. Here's the latest on what he has been up to...


Jerry Rice is becoming a professional golfer and will play on the Nationwide Tour. Barcelona has promised not to make a hostile bid for Arsenal star Cesc Fabregas. In the NBA, the Knicks got crushed by Toronto. The Yankees lost against the Angels, and the Mets lost against Colorado. And, in the NHL playoffs, the New Jersey Devils lost Game 1 against the Flyers.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Ilya Kovalchuk, Frank Schleck, Jason Sehorn, and Moroccan hurdle legend Nawal El Moutawakel (who can forget his Olympic gold medal from 1984?). On this day in 1924, Rand McNally published the first road atlas. He must feel pretty stupid now that there are navigation systems... Have a great day, there is still no new Dear Rudy, but learn something valuable about sleeping in your bed in the Random Fact section!

Decision Made - After months of negotiations, the city of Glendale has decided in favor of Jerry Reinsdorf to buy the Phoenix Coyotes, dismissing rival Ice Edge Holdings. Read here.

Vague Comments - As a takeover battle for Arsenal London seems imminent, Russian billionaire Alisher Usmanov is unwilling to rule out a bid for the team. Read here.

Taking Time - The surprise move by Stan Kroenke to buy the St. Louis Rams further complicates any deal, which means that it will take a lot more time. Read here.

Giant Impact - A third-tier consulting company has found that the German Bundesliga has an impact of more than 5 billion Euros on the economy. Read here.

Disaster Averted - The players of the Spanish soccer league and authorities have reached a preliminary agreement, which ends the threat of a strike for now. Read here.

Let's Do It Again - Tom Hicks and George Gillett are in talks with the Royal Bank of Scotland once again in an attempt to refinance Liverpool FC's debt. Read here.

Following Instructions

Written by Rudy on April 14, 2010 - 8:29 am -

Today's Rudy Report is the best edition since Rudy announced the end of the recession on July 17, 2009, so keep on reading, today on "National Reach as High as You Can Day." As you know, Rudy defies convention and ventures into new, unexplored fields every day. Few people know that the Rudy Report contributed greatly to the invention of Sildenafil (you'll look it up), mortgage-backed securities, and water. However, as much as you can be a maverick, sometimes it is wiser to follow instructions...


The NHL Playoffs are beginning this week and Rudy would like to announce the Rudy Report's Stanley Cup Pick: The Washington Capitals will win the Cup this year. And, since there aren't many sports results today, let me point this out to you to stretch the paragraph: The Yankees beat the Angels in the home opener. The Mets lost against Colorado.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Anderson Silva, Kyle Farnsworth, Brad Ausmus, David Justice, and Pete "Let's Make a Bet" Rose. On this day in 1956, in Chicago, videotape was first demonstrated. Have a great day, there is no new Dear Rudy right now, but check out something about motion picture history that you didn't know for sure in the Random Fact section!

Unforeseen Move - Stan Kroenke has made a surprise bid for the St. Louis-Rams, exercising his option as a minority owner to buy the remaining 60%. Read here.

Crucial Announcement - A board member has announced that she wants to sell her 16% stake in Arsenal London, which could trigger a sale of the entire club. Read here.

Still Believing - Mike Modano has joined a group of local investors from Texas attempting to purchase the Dallas Stars in the off-season. Read here.

Not So Fast - A watchdog organization is arguing that the agreement between Glendale and Jerry Reinsdorf for the Phoenix Coyotes is not legal. Read here.

Default Speedway - A new report uncovers that Petty Motorsports has defaulted on a loan from Wachovia and that its finances need to be restructured. Read here.

Not Concerned - Mikhail Prokhorov is confident that his purchase of the New Jersey Nets will continue as planned despite concerns about his business connections. Read here.

Looking Ahead

Written by Rudy on April 13, 2010 - 4:49 am -

The Rudy Report is proud to announce that it has been once again voted "Sexiest Sports & Lifestyle Report" by Iran's independent media, today on "National Blame Someone Else Day." There are a lot of things in the future that you cannot predict, like the weather, for example. Am I right,!? Anyways, some people have tried to make predictions and this is what they came up with in terms of discrimination in the future...


Duke basketball coach Mike Krzczwyzcxzqqwzewski is apparently seriously considering an offer from the New Jersey Nets (or "Njets" as they are known in Russia). The New York Jets have acquired wide receiver Santonio Holmes. And, in the NBA, the Knicks outscored the Wizards in the 4th quarter by 19 points in order to win the game. Well done!

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Quentin Richardson, Patrik Elias (no typo), Carles Puyol (no typo here either), Garry Kasparov, Rudi Voeller (also no typo), and Davis Love not one, not two, but III. On this day in 1997, Tiger Woods became the youngest golfer to win the Masters Tournament. Have a great day, there is currently no new Dear Rudy, but you can learn something that will change your perception of literature forever in the Random Fact section!

Big Deal 1 - A group of more than 40 rich fans called "Red Knights" seems to be closer than ever to making a takeover bid for Manchester United. Read here.

Big Deal 2 - George Gillett and Tom Hicks have apparently hired Barclays Capital to sell Premier League club Liverpool FC for $770 million. Read here.

New Proposal - The city of Glendale has drafted a new lease proposal for the arena, which is home to the Phoenix Coyotes, but some complain about it. Read here.

Softer Landing - The Premier League is thinking about increasing the amount of its payments to relegated clubs in order to cover them for two additional years. Read here.

Close To A Solution - A controversial tax might be waived for non-British teams that could potentially participate in the 2011 Champions League final. Read here.

The Sky's The Limit

Written by Rudy on April 12, 2010 - 8:06 am -

The Rudy Report is wondering if you also enjoyed the anti-Tiger Woods banners flown over Augusta National during the weekend, with people speculating that Rudy might have been the sponsor, but that's unconfirmed today on "National Look Up At The Sky Day." Obviously, you need to be mindful as to where you celebrate "Look Up at the Sky Day", because you might regret it, if you do it too extensively. Like our friend here in Alaska...


If you followed Rudy on Twitter, you know that the new pick for the Masters win (after Steve Sticker dropped out) was Phil Mickelson. And, Phil Mickelson won in an impressive fashion. No word on what Tiger Woods did after his round... Barcelona beat Real Madrid 2-0 in the Spanish derby. In the Premier League, ManU and Liverpool both had draws. Chelsea and Arsenal will play later this week. In the NHL, the Rangers missed the playoffs in the very last moment, losing against the Flyers in a shoot-out. In the NBA, the Knicks, of course, lost against Miami. And, in baseball, the Mets lost against the Nationals, while the Yankees beat Tampa Bay once again.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Ted Ginn Jr., Adam Graves, Paul Lo Duca, and Woody Johnson. On this day in 1606, the "Union Jack" was adopted as the flag of Great Britain. Have a great week, there is currently no new Dear Rudy, but check out something interesting about Leonardo DiCaprio in the Random Fact section!

Pay Day - American sports investor Stan Kroenke has finally paid for his shares of Arsenal London, which he acquired from another board member over a year ago. Read here.

No Sale - A new report denies rumors that the Pittsburgh Pirates are preparing for a sale, saying that there are no signs of Bob Nutting's exit. Read here.

Delay Of Game - Russian billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov has still not been approved by the league as an owner, and the decision has been delayed once again. Read here.

Adding Land - The city of San Jose is spending money to acquire land, which is expected to serve as space for a new MLB Athletic's ballpark. Read here.

Expensive Tab - The elimination of Premier League club Manchester United in the Champions League quarterfinals has cost the team approximately GBP 15 million. Read here.