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Today January 20, 2017

Following Instructions

Written by Rudy on April 14, 2010 - 8:29 am -

Today's Rudy Report is the best edition since Rudy announced the end of the recession on July 17, 2009, so keep on reading, today on "National Reach as High as You Can Day." As you know, Rudy defies convention and ventures into new, unexplored fields every day. Few people know that the Rudy Report contributed greatly to the invention of Sildenafil (you'll look it up), mortgage-backed securities, and water. However, as much as you can be a maverick, sometimes it is wiser to follow instructions...


The NHL Playoffs are beginning this week and Rudy would like to announce the Rudy Report's Stanley Cup Pick: The Washington Capitals will win the Cup this year. And, since there aren't many sports results today, let me point this out to you to stretch the paragraph: The Yankees beat the Angels in the home opener. The Mets lost against Colorado.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Anderson Silva, Kyle Farnsworth, Brad Ausmus, David Justice, and Pete "Let's Make a Bet" Rose. On this day in 1956, in Chicago, videotape was first demonstrated. Have a great day, there is no new Dear Rudy right now, but check out something about motion picture history that you didn't know for sure in the Random Fact section!

Unforeseen Move - Stan Kroenke has made a surprise bid for the St. Louis-Rams, exercising his option as a minority owner to buy the remaining 60%. Read here.

Crucial Announcement - A board member has announced that she wants to sell her 16% stake in Arsenal London, which could trigger a sale of the entire club. Read here.

Still Believing - Mike Modano has joined a group of local investors from Texas attempting to purchase the Dallas Stars in the off-season. Read here.

Not So Fast - A watchdog organization is arguing that the agreement between Glendale and Jerry Reinsdorf for the Phoenix Coyotes is not legal. Read here.

Default Speedway - A new report uncovers that Petty Motorsports has defaulted on a loan from Wachovia and that its finances need to be restructured. Read here.

Not Concerned - Mikhail Prokhorov is confident that his purchase of the New Jersey Nets will continue as planned despite concerns about his business connections. Read here.

Looking Ahead

Written by Rudy on April 13, 2010 - 4:49 am -

The Rudy Report is proud to announce that it has been once again voted "Sexiest Sports & Lifestyle Report" by Iran's independent media, today on "National Blame Someone Else Day." There are a lot of things in the future that you cannot predict, like the weather, for example. Am I right,!? Anyways, some people have tried to make predictions and this is what they came up with in terms of discrimination in the future...


Duke basketball coach Mike Krzczwyzcxzqqwzewski is apparently seriously considering an offer from the New Jersey Nets (or "Njets" as they are known in Russia). The New York Jets have acquired wide receiver Santonio Holmes. And, in the NBA, the Knicks outscored the Wizards in the 4th quarter by 19 points in order to win the game. Well done!

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Quentin Richardson, Patrik Elias (no typo), Carles Puyol (no typo here either), Garry Kasparov, Rudi Voeller (also no typo), and Davis Love not one, not two, but III. On this day in 1997, Tiger Woods became the youngest golfer to win the Masters Tournament. Have a great day, there is currently no new Dear Rudy, but you can learn something that will change your perception of literature forever in the Random Fact section!

Big Deal 1 - A group of more than 40 rich fans called "Red Knights" seems to be closer than ever to making a takeover bid for Manchester United. Read here.

Big Deal 2 - George Gillett and Tom Hicks have apparently hired Barclays Capital to sell Premier League club Liverpool FC for $770 million. Read here.

New Proposal - The city of Glendale has drafted a new lease proposal for the arena, which is home to the Phoenix Coyotes, but some complain about it. Read here.

Softer Landing - The Premier League is thinking about increasing the amount of its payments to relegated clubs in order to cover them for two additional years. Read here.

Close To A Solution - A controversial tax might be waived for non-British teams that could potentially participate in the 2011 Champions League final. Read here.

The Sky's The Limit

Written by Rudy on April 12, 2010 - 8:06 am -

The Rudy Report is wondering if you also enjoyed the anti-Tiger Woods banners flown over Augusta National during the weekend, with people speculating that Rudy might have been the sponsor, but that's unconfirmed today on "National Look Up At The Sky Day." Obviously, you need to be mindful as to where you celebrate "Look Up at the Sky Day", because you might regret it, if you do it too extensively. Like our friend here in Alaska...


If you followed Rudy on Twitter, you know that the new pick for the Masters win (after Steve Sticker dropped out) was Phil Mickelson. And, Phil Mickelson won in an impressive fashion. No word on what Tiger Woods did after his round... Barcelona beat Real Madrid 2-0 in the Spanish derby. In the Premier League, ManU and Liverpool both had draws. Chelsea and Arsenal will play later this week. In the NHL, the Rangers missed the playoffs in the very last moment, losing against the Flyers in a shoot-out. In the NBA, the Knicks, of course, lost against Miami. And, in baseball, the Mets lost against the Nationals, while the Yankees beat Tampa Bay once again.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Ted Ginn Jr., Adam Graves, Paul Lo Duca, and Woody Johnson. On this day in 1606, the "Union Jack" was adopted as the flag of Great Britain. Have a great week, there is currently no new Dear Rudy, but check out something interesting about Leonardo DiCaprio in the Random Fact section!

Pay Day - American sports investor Stan Kroenke has finally paid for his shares of Arsenal London, which he acquired from another board member over a year ago. Read here.

No Sale - A new report denies rumors that the Pittsburgh Pirates are preparing for a sale, saying that there are no signs of Bob Nutting's exit. Read here.

Delay Of Game - Russian billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov has still not been approved by the league as an owner, and the decision has been delayed once again. Read here.

Adding Land - The city of San Jose is spending money to acquire land, which is expected to serve as space for a new MLB Athletic's ballpark. Read here.

Expensive Tab - The elimination of Premier League club Manchester United in the Champions League quarterfinals has cost the team approximately GBP 15 million. Read here.

Shocking Statistics

Written by Rudy on April 09, 2010 - 5:17 am -

A new survey has shown that 70.3% of readers in Thailand prefer the Rudy Report over political unrest, while the rest is out on the streets protesting, today on "National Name Yourself Day." As you know, Rudy provides you with great and helpful statistics almost every day. You can impress your boss with the knowledge acquired in the Rudy Report. Some numbers are more accurate than others, but this shocking chart speaks for itself... and it speaks French!


Let me ask you something. Why is everyone sucking up to Tiger Woods? What's the applause for? None of the people cheering for him have a spine. And these remarks should end the serious section of today's report... Fred Couples is in the lead at the Masters. Tom Watson is just one stroke behind and so is Phil Mickelson (Reminder: This is NOT a Senior PGA Tour event). Jason Taylor might join the New England Patriots next season. In the Europa League, Fulham, Hamburg, Liverpool, and Atletico Madrid have reached the semifinals. In the NHL, the Islanders got crushed by the Penguins. Florida beat the New Jersey Devils. And, in baseball, the Mets lost against Florida. Overall a pretty good performance for the state of Florida.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Rick Tocchet, Jacques Villeneuve, Seve Ballesteros, and Gaelic football legend Peter Canavan. On this day in 1965, the first indoor baseball game ever was played in the Astrodome in Houston, which opened that day. Have a great weekend, there is no new Dear Rudy right now, but check out something about diamonds in the Random Fact section!

Quick Deal - Charlotte Hornets owner George Shinn seems to be close to selling the franchise to billionaire Gary Chouest, which is expected to be a smooth transaction. Read here.

Value Investing - Forbes has released the new values for MLB franchises, showing the Yankees in first place with almost twice the value of the second place team. Read here.

On The Way Out - Ice Edge Holdings, which has been favored to take over the Phoenix Coyotes, are now on the brink of dropping their bid for the franchise. Read here.

Election Delay - An important decision with regards to a recent ruling about sports channel pricing will be postponed because of the upcoming British elections. Read here.

If You Build It, They Will Pay - Local government appears to be willing to provide funds for a new stadium for the Minnesota Vikings, who have worked on such a deal for years. Read here.

Tourist Attraction - A study reveals that the Ryder Cup in Wales, which will take place in October, will add roughly GBP 35 million to the local tourism industry. Read here.

Becoming A Butter Person

Written by Rudy on April 08, 2010 - 5:08 am -

The Rudy Report returns on a day that is iconic and highly anticipated by some readers, because today is "National Draw a Picture of a Bird Day." The Masters are starting today and a lot of people are excited to see Tiger Woods play again. Rudy is not... and we have the text messages to prove it! In any case, looking at the picture below, you probably can't believe it's butter...


By the way, avid Rudy Report contributor Barney M. Stanley-Smith, who wrote the most recent Dear Rudy, was the first to submit a drawing of a bird on this special day. Well done, Barney! What a masterpiece...


After acquiring Donovan McNabb, the Washington Redskins now seem to be ready to trade one of their stars: Albert Haynesworth. In the UEFA Champions League, Bayern Munich was down 3-0 at first against Manchester United, but managed to lose only 3-2, which was enough to advance to the semi-finals. There, they will meet Lyon who beat Bordeaux. Pardon my French... In the NBA, the Knicks lost against Indiana. In the NHL, the Rangers crushed Toronto 5-1, keeping their playoff hopes alive. And, in baseball, the third Yankees - Red Sox games went into extra innings, where the Bronx Bombers prevailed to win the game.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Terry Porter, Timo Perez, and Norwegian orienteering (which is a Rudy-approved "Lesser Known Sport") legend Holger Hott Johansen. On this day in 1908, Harvard University voted to establish the Harvard Business School. It became the world's first networking event... Have a great day, there is no new Dear Rudy right now, but lots of great older ones, and check out the most precise description of soccer ever in the Funny Sports Quote section!

Weak Offer - The new UFL is offering the National Football League a 30% stake in the football start-up, but the NFL does not seem to be very interested. Read here.

Losing Its Sting - New Orleans Hornets owner George Shinn is reportedly interested in selling his share of the franchise after controlling it for over 20 years. Read here.

No New Money - Tom Hicks and George Gillett have rejected a GBP 110 million offer by an investor group to buy 40% of Premier League club Liverpool FC. Read here.

Fun Zone - The city of Las Vegas is considering a plan which could lead to a construction of a sports arena as part of the entertainment district. Read here.

Undoing A Deal - The city of Cleveland has borrowed funds to cancel a swap deal with UBS, which was originally intended to protect the city when it built its NFL stadium. Read here.