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Today May 20, 2018

2016 Olympics Rio(t)

Written by Rudy on October 06, 2009 - 7:45 am -

The Rudy Report would like you to be a bit cautious when bringing up this day to your lawyer friends, because despite a congratulatory note, they might charge you a fee out of habit, today on "National Lawyers Day." As you know, Chicago did not get chosen to host the 2016 Olympics. When the results were announced, people went crazy and an angry mob started to vandalize the street of Chicago. The liberal media ignored the news, but the Rudy Report has an exclusive picture. If this is your car (or cactus), you'd probably be happy if you had a good lawyer...


Tonight, the Minnesota Twins will host the Detroit Tigers to determine which team will get the final playoff spot. It doesn't really matter, since the Yankees will win the World Series anyways. The New York Rangers took an unpopular trip to New Jersey, but, at least, they beat the Devils 3-2. On Monday Night Football, Brett Favre and the Vikings played against his former team, the Green Bay Packers. Minnesota won the game thanks to both an impressive defensive and offensive performance.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Ricky Hatton, Tony Dungy, Bruno Sammartino, and an athlete with amazing talent: Bowling Hall of Famer and 6-time Horseshoe World Champion Walter Ray Williams Jr. On this day in 1945, Billy Sianis and his goat were ejected from Wrigley Field during Game 4 of the World Series, starting the often-cited "Curse of the Billy Goat" for the Chicago Cubs. Have a great day, there's no new Dear Rudy yet, but find out why baseball players are smarter than football players in the Funny Sports Quote section!

Another Day, Another Deal - It looks like Portsmouth FC will be sold for a second time in just 2 months after the owner announces negotiations with Saudi investors. Read here.

Rush Offense - Several rumors suggest that Rush Limbaugh is set to join St. Louis Blues owner Dave Checketts' group bidding for the St. Louis Rams. Read here.

Home Shopping - New York Islanders owner Charles Wang says that as many as 8 cities have invited the team to move, which gives ownership leverage regarding a planned arena construction. Read here.

Desert 500? - George Gillett is apparently working on the creation of a NASCAR-style stock car racing league and several race tracks in the Middle East. Read here.

Failed Attempt - An American businessman has failed to complete a takeover deal for Italian Serie A club Bari due to the club's unwillingness to extend a deadline. Read here.


Written by Rudy on October 05, 2009 - 6:51 am -

The Rudy Report recently finished a strong 3rd Quarter, reporting a solid 8% increase in jokes, beating analyst estimates by a mile, which is a great sign going forward, like today on "World Smile Day." And since today is all about smiles, the Rudy Report would like to dedicate the following joke to Michael Vick, who really didn't have much to laugh about in recent years. Mike, this one's for you...


Chicago got eliminated in the first round of voting for the 2016 Olympics. Thanks, Oprah! How about sending some athletes to pitch for a sporting event next time? In the end, like the Rudy Report projected, Rio won the voting. Congratulations! In the Premier League, Chelsea beat Liverpool 2-0, Arsenal crushed Blackburn 6-2, and Manchester United had a disappointing 2-2 against Sunderland at home. On Saturday, the New York Rangers beat Ottawa 5-2, while the Islanders lost to Pittsburgh 4-3 after a shoot-out. In college football, LSU beat Georgia, Miami won against Oklahoma, and USC defeated Cal. Florida remains the top-ranked team. The New York Giants continued dominating the NFL with a win against Kansas City. The Jets lost against New Orleans. And finally, in baseball, the Yankees beat Tampa Bay, while the Mets said goodbye with a win over Houston. There will be a 1-game playoff between Detroit and Minnesota to determine the winner of the last playoff spot.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Grant Hill (the guy who drinks Sprite), hockey legend Mario Lemieux, and Michael Andretti. On this day in 1582, nothing at all happened in Italy, Poland, Portugal, and Spain, because this day doesn't exist due to the implementation of the Gregorian Calendar. Have a great week, check out some vintage Dear Rudys, and find out why baseball has an advantage over cricket in the Funny Sports Quote section!

Runner-Up - The New York Post reports that former Yahoo CEO Terry Semel was in the running to buy the New Jersey Nets, but got outbid by Mikhail Prokhorov in the very end. Read here.

Raising The Stakes - Sports investor Stan Kroenke has increased his stake in Arsenal London once again, now owning 28.7%, which could lead to a complete takeover. Read here.

Adjusting To Demand - After yet another disappointing season, the New York Mets are forced to decrease ticket prices by as much as 20% in order to sell seats. Read here.

Poker Face - Premier League club Everton FC's chairman Bill Kenwright is refusing to confirm that the team is for sale, leaving room for speculation regarding the asking price. Read here.

No More Hockey - After failing to acquire a NHL franchise yet again, Research-in-Motion CEO Jim Balsillie says he is done with hockey and wants to focus on other things. Read here.

Casa Roma - Italian Serie A club AS Roma is planning to build a new 55,000-seat stadium, which is aimed to create an atmosphere similar to English arenas. Read here.

Mid-October Showdown - Struggling Portsmouth FC says it needs to get a refinancing done by the middle of October, hoping Sulaiman Al Fahim can provide GBP 50 million. Read here.

Consumer Spending

Written by Rudy on October 02, 2009 - 10:39 am -

To kick off the first October weekend, the Rudy Report would like to share the perfect plan to save the economy, today on "National Name Your Car Day". Consumer spending is the key. But what if most people won't spend enough? Well, the Rudy Report suggests that instead of everyone spending a few bucks more, we could have 1,000 people spending $1 billion each on Christmas presents, which would lead to a $1 trillion spending increase. Problem solved. Here's one suggestion on how to spend the money...


After winning the FedEx Cup, Tiger Woods has become the first athlete in history to earn more than $1 billion, meaning that we only need 999 folks more to boost consumer spending. The International Olympic Committee is set to make its decision regarding the host city for 2016 Olympic Games today. Rudy thinks it'll be Rio. Sorry Barack. None of the New York baseball teams played last night, which is probably better anyways, because neither the Yankees nor the Mets can change their position anymore. In the UEFA Cup, favorites Everton, Bremen, Hamburg, Rome, and Valencia all won their respective games. The NHL kicked off its season yesterday and Washington had an impressive start. The Capitals beat Boston 4-1 thanks to 2 goals by MVP Alex Ovechkin.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Tyson Chandler, Glenn Anderson, and Namibia's only Olympic medalist: Frankie Fredericks. On this day in 2005, the NFL played its first regular season game outside of the United States when the Arizona Cardinals defeated the San Francisco 49ers 31-14 in Mexico City. Have a great weekend, read the Dear Rudy about contemporary art again, and check out an outrageous story in the Random Fact section!

Double Rejection - A judge has rejected Jim Balsillie's and the NHL's bid for the Phoenix Coyotes, but leaves the door open for the NHL while essentially shutting out Balsillie. Read here.

Light In The House - New York Islanders owner Charles Wang signs a land lease, taking a first step towards building a new arena as part of their planned Lighthouse Project. Read here.

What The Heck? - Ken Bates, chairman of troubled club Leeds United, says he misinformed the public by saying he is a co-owner of the club, now stating that the true owners are unknown. Read here.

Important Upgrade - London has raised its revenue estimate for sponsorships for the 2012 Olympic Summer Games from GBP 650 million to GBP 700 million. Read here.

Looking For A New Home - The Minnesota Vikings will ask the state to subsidize a new NFL stadium after several other Minneapolis sports teams opened new venues recently. Read here.

Rudy's Yoga Lessons Part IV

Written by Rudy on October 01, 2009 - 10:42 am -

There is no better way to start October than to do some yoga as the Rudy Report's now famous lessons continue, like every Thursday, today on "National Homemade Cookie Day." Have you noticed how your fitness has improved since starting the Rudy Report yoga routine? By now, you should at least be in better shape than a whale. And for all you women who use psycho tricks to make  yourselves feel better: Big is NOT beautiful. So keep on adding more positions to your workout, like the Marjaryasana. Our amateur on the right could do a bit better, but it's good enough for starters...


2-time Formula One world champion Fernando Alonso has confirmed that he will join Ferrari next season. In the Champions League, Manchester United struggled, but ultimately beat German champion Wolfsburg 2-1. Chelsea beat Greek team Nikosia, and Bayern Munich had a 0-0 tie against Juventus Turin. The New York Mets continued an impressive losing streak against Washington. And the Yankees felt charitable and gave Kansas City a win.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Mark McGwire, Rudi Johnson (clearly misspelled), and weightlifting legend and current president of Nauru: Marcus Stephen. On this day in 1908, Ford put the Model T on the market at a price of $825, which is equal to the current resale value of a 2009 Ford Taurus. Have a great day, there's no new Dear Rudy right now, but check out which two people have been considered the worst drivers in the world (surprisingly none of them is a NASCAR driver) in the Random Fact section!

Making It Official - Tom Hicks and George Gillett have released an official statement confirming that they have hired bankers to look for potential investors in Liverpool FC. Read here.

Olympic Meter - People in Chicago hope to get the Olympics, but they are angry that the city has leased its parking meters to Morgan Stanley. Read here.

Mysterious Owners - Adding to the trouble at Notts County, the club's chief executive says that he still doesn't know who is behind the investment trust owning the team. Read here.

Evaluating The Candidates - The Wall Street Journal takes a close look at the four cities bidding for the 2016 Olympic Summer Games. Read here.

Southern Failure - A new report finds that NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman's vision to expand the league in the South has ultimately failed. Read here.

That's What She Said

Written by Rudy on September 30, 2009 - 7:10 am -

The sad truth is that this is the last Rudy Report in September and there won't be any more September Rudy Reports for almost a year, but let's look ahead and make the next month a true "Oktoberfest", preparing today on "National Ask A Stupid Question Day." No question will ever be too stupid for a Dear Rudy, of course, but some stupid comments - used at the right time - can also have great entertainment value, like the good old "That's what she said" line shown in the example including consequences below...


The Rudy Report is reporting exclusively that Plaxico Burress' nickname in prison is "Mr. Big Shot." The first half of the second game day (can you follow me?) of the UEFA Champions League took place yesterday. Liverpool lost against Florence, Arsenal beat Olympiacos, and Sevilla crushed the Glasgow Rangers on the road. Like yesterday, the Mets lost against Washington. The Yankees played another game against Kansas City and had a walk-off 4-3 victory thanks to a hit by Triple-A player Juan Miranda.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Martina Hingis, Carlos Guillen, and AC Milan legend Frank "Llama" Rijkaard. On this day in 1927, Babe Ruth became the first baseball player to hit 60 home runs in a season. Have a great day, check out many great Dear Rudys in the archive, and learn something you didn't know for sure about Oregon in the Random Fact section!

Sports Mortgage - The Wall Street Journal examines how sports franchises are using new tools to raise money during difficult times, such as selling seat rights. Read here.

Notts Good - One of the investors in British soccer club Notts County has had his fund seized due to unpaid debt, resulting in more uncertainty for the team. Read here.

Interesting Comments - NHL Deputy Commissioner Bill Daly talks about Jim Balsillie, the NBA, and how unlikely another lock-out is . Read here.

Betting On Real - Real Madrid has been able to extend its shirt sponsorship deal with Austrian betting company Bwin though 2013 with annual payments of 20 million Euros. Read here.

No April Fool's Joke - More details emerge about the new Arena Football 1 league, which is set to start the season with at least 16 teams in April. Read here.

Money Talks - Sports Illustrated takes a look at the upcoming MLB playoffs, finding that high-payroll teams are dominating unlike in prior seasons. Read here.

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