Recent Comments

Today August 25, 2016

World Premiere

Written by Rudy on February 16, 2009 - 5:41 am -

The Rudy Report delivers great news even when most people have today off, celebrating "National Do a Grouch a Favor Day." In any case, since today is all about presidents, the government has decided to come out with a brand-new 1-Dollar bill (see picture below) in order to appropriately reflect consumer sentiment and the state of the US economy in general. Now here's a world premiere: The Rudy Report is proud to be the first to show the bill to all you readers, still featuring George Washington...


Chicago, Madrid, Rio, and Tokyo are the favorite cities for the 2016 Olympic Summer Games. The decision will be made on October 2nd. The Slam Dunk contest at the NBA All-Star game did not live up to last year's event. Knicks star Nate "KryptoNate" Robinson won, defeating Dwight "Superman" Howard in the final round by leaping over him. It was the only positive event for the Knicks last week. In the game itself, the Western Conference beat the East 146-119. Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O'Neal won co-MVP honors.

The Milan Derby, Inter Milan vs. AC Milan, ended 2-1 for Inter thanks to an outrageous, obvious and scandalous hand-goal by striker Adriano. In the NHL, the Rangers lost 5-2 against Philadelphia on Sunday. And the Midwest got excited again, because the NASCAR season started with the Daytona 500 yesterday. Matt Kenseth won the race, which was shortened by rain.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Keith Gretzky (you might know his bro Wayne), Jerome "Bus" Bettis, and tennis grouch (remember what day today is?) John McEnroe. On this day in 2005, the National Hockey League canceled the entire 2004-05 regular season and playoffs, becoming the first major sports league in North America to do so over a labor dispute. Congratulations (I guess)! Have a great week, check out the special "President's Day" Dear Rudy glorifying Rudy, and learn something interesting about the 1-Dollar bill in the Random Fact section!

Transfer Financing - Real Madrid reportedly approached Spanish bank Santander to inquire about a loan for the planned acquisition of Manchester United's Cristiano Ronaldo. Read here.

New Location - Major League Soccer franchise DC United is said to be considering a new site for their stadium outside of Washington in Prince George's County. Read here.

Chelsea Loss - English Premier League club Chelsea FC had to report a loss for the last fiscal year, due to high costs and the firing of coach Jose Mourinho. Read here.

Strong Group - NBA Commissioner David Stern reiterates in an interview that the league will survive the recession, with owners being financially strong. Read here.

It's A Slam Dunk

Written by Rudy on February 13, 2009 - 5:59 am -

It's Friday the 13th, but that means good luck to all of you, because there's lots of new stuff in the Rudy Report weekend edition, today on "National Get A Different Name Day." The Roody (Different name, get it?) Report is proud to announce the addition of a weekly column by Bay Area sports writer Chris Cooley, who will touch on the most interesting topic of each week. His column, "Cooley's Contemplations", will be posted on the Rudy Report website every Friday (see article below today's RR). Also, as you know, the Rudy Report is sometimes writing a guest column on Feel free to check out Rudy's newest hockey article called "2 Minutes for Roughing: Rudy Uncensored (Kind Of)", which discusses a lot more than just the NHL.

MLS Los Angeles Galaxy is expecting a decision from David Beckham regarding his contract with AC Milan as soon as today. The Knicks had a day off from losing and the NBA All-Star Game will be taking place on Sunday. You definitely want to look your best in the Slam-Dunk Contest, unlike Tim Duncan (see picture below). There were also no games in the NHL for the Rangers, Devils, or Islanders. The NASCAR season will kick off this weekend at Daytona with Jimmie Johnson going into the race as the favorite.


The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Michael Turner, Randy Moss, Mats Sundin, and Mike "Coach K" Krzyzewski (what a name!). On this day in 1880, Thomas Edison observed the Edison Effect. So? The Rudy Report observed the Rudy Effect. What the hell does that mean? Anyways, have a great weekend, check out today's Dear Rudy about Rudy's favorite arena, and learn about an unusual Monopoly record in the Random Fact of the Day section!

Jacked Up! - English Premier League club Manchester City reports that former Thai prime minister Thaksin Shinawatra has been sacked as president of the team. Read here.

Money League - Real Madrid remains the team with the highest revenues in Europe as Premier League clubs drop in rankings due to falling British Pound. Read here.

Not Moving - The Minnesota Vikings have reiterated that the team is currently not interested in moving, denying rumors of a relocation to Los Angeles. Read here.

Canadian Stadium - In Ottawa, investors think that the construction of a soccer stadium will lead Major League Soccer to award the town with a franchise. Read here.

Investor Denied - German second league club 1860 Munich is facing serious financial trouble as the league declines to approve a new investor. Read here.

Committed to Kings - Despite financial losses and the bad economic environment, the Maloof family remains committed to the Sacramento Kings. Read here.

Cooley's Contemplations: The New Weekly Column

Written by Rudy on February 13, 2009 - 5:59 am -

103 Damnations

One big name leaked into our laps so may we please have the remaining 103?

On Monday afternoon, New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez confessed to using performance-enhancing drugs (PEDs) for three seasons during his illustrious baseball career.

This is about as big of news as there has been since steroids, HGH and PEDs entered the diamond of the public eye. Baseball fans across the nation have been waiting for a confession like this, and the renaissance of cleaner games on the sandlot is eagerly anticipated by all.

But rest assured, there are many more dark days to come before the Steroid Era is gone.

This is a period in baseball that will never be forgotten. It will be talked about by our children, our children's children and their children's children. The game will eventually rid itself of this disease with its deep and rich history, and it looks like now could be the beginning of the cleansing process.

But more players must follow the lead Alex Rodriguez provided.

Rodriguez has been a Mariner, a Ranger and a Yankee, but on Monday he was a sacrificial lamb. He tossed aside his pride and said, "I am pretty tired of being stupid and selfish and the truth needed to be told a long time ago, and I'm glad it's coming out today. I was young, I was stupid, I was naive. I am very sorry and deeply regretful."

Rodriguez seemed to be sincerely remorseful for taking illegal PEDs from 2001 to 2003 while playing for Texas. As he gave his testimony to Peter Gammons sitting in a chair with a blue sweater and white collar, he appeared to be relieved, scared, contemplative and emotional all at the same time. He even began to choke-up when speaking about his fans "that will never look at (him) the same."

Perhaps his white collar in the interview had an unknowing symbolic significance. Maybe it proves that even celebrities are normal people, just like the white collar worker who is prone to human error.

Rodriguez coming clean in front of the nation is commendable, but he should have done it sooner. When Jason Giambi and Andy Pettitte admitted their transgressions a new found respect from fans, coaches, players and the media surfaced.

Over time, this will most likely happen with Rodriguez as well. But now while the iron is hot, the other 103 players should raise their hands and also confess to what they did.

In 2003, Major League Baseball gave an unannounced drug test to a group of active players to see if mandatory, random testings were needed in the sport. After results were gathered and it was determined baseball had a steroid problem, MLB was going to destroy the 104 positive samples, but the federal government issued a subpoena and the list was taken by investigators.

This testing was a secret screening where the results were supposed to be kept confidential and no punishments for positive results were to be handed out. The players' samples were even locked away in one location while the list was stored in another.

One can't help but image what sort of encasement the list and samples were kept in and what kind of credentials a person needed to access them? Did the key holder have to go through a series of fingerprint and retina scans to get to the list?

It kind of sounds like Area 51 with the extra terrestrials and the government hiding everything.

The same place one might find the remaining 103 culprits who cheated the game, the fans and their teams.

Why is it fair for one player to be thrown to the wolves but not the others? Why was it that only Rodriguez's name was divulged from this confidential investigation? Is it so terrible to ask for others to come forward?

Honesty has always been and will always be the best policy.

Houston Astros shortstop Miguel Tejada is expected to appear in court on Wednesday for lying to Congressional investigators when he told them he had not taken PEDs during his baseball career. He is expected to enter a guilty plea.

It looks as if Tejada is one of the lingering 103. Perhaps baseball fans will be able to cross a second name off the infamous list.

Beyond the shadows where the cowardly will remain silent is a tiny golf clap of applause for what Alex Rodriguez accomplished on Monday. The praise can be heard over the continuous song of sarcastic pity played by the critics who hold the world's smallest violin.

"Regardless of what we want to mask and say and justify there is absolutely no excuse for what I did," stated Rodriguez. "If I was a fan, I would be very pissed off."

We are very pissed off. But we are also human and have the ability to forgive, but that begins with more players admitting guilt.

Rodriguez got the monkey off his back, now we need to get the elephant out of the room.

Scott Cooley has worked in the communications industry throughout his professional career and has been published on multiple media platforms. His writing evokes thought into the minds of his readers by challenging majority viewpoints with a witty and entertaining style. Cooley is a freelance writer who is always looking for additional work. 

Champagne Celebration

Written by Rudy on February 12, 2009 - 9:12 am -

With Valentine's Day coming up, the Rudy Report would like to express its love to all you great readers, but before the big love day arrives, let some of us celebrate "National Satisfied Staying Single Day." Wow, so Brett Favre has finally announced his retirement. However, we won't know for sure if he really retired until the beginning of next season... The Rudy Report's Chelsea rumor became reality when Guus Hiddink  (see picture below) was confirmed as the club's new coach. US skiing shooting-star Lindsey Vonn won't be able to participate in the final race at the world championships, because she injured her thumb while trying to open a champagne bottle after winning the downhill gold medal. So drink, and open drinks, responsibly!


Meanwhile, politicians have taken a step back, saying that they are no longer asking Citi to break their sponsorship deal with the New York Mets. After having another devastating loss against Golden State, the Knicks took on the LA Clippers last night. Who really cares about the winner of that game? Rudy doesn't. Anyways, the New York Rangers had a shoot-out victory over Washington. The New Jersey Devils beat the Islanders 4-2.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Owen Nolan, Antonio Chatman ("Rudy Report Suggested Nickname" for the NFL running back: "Instant Message"), and Bill Russell. On this day in 1879, the first artificial ice rink in North America opened at Gilmore's Park in New York City. Have a great day, enjoy today's Dear Rudy by Leggy Brit about Michael Phelps, and find out what men can do better than women in the Random Fact section!

Olympic Costs - A report in the Wall Street Journal is discussing the implications of huge budgets for Olympic Games during the global recession. Read here.

Time to Leave - As Louisiana state is unable to make full payments to local sports franchises, the NBA Hornets and NFL Saints might be free to relocate. Read here.

Opposition - Top European soccer clubs have expressed concerns about the UEFA's recent plan to implement salary caps. Read here.

Increased Investment - Part owner of the Charlotte Bobcats, Michael Jordan, says that he would be interested in increasing his stake in the NBA franchise. Read here.

NASCAR Alive - The Daytona 500 on Sunday will mark the beginning of the NASCAR season and the sport is poised to fight its way through the financial crisis. Read here.

Fight for the Right to TV - Setanta has stated that it will try to regain the Premier League broadcasting rights that it lost in order to keep subscribers. Read here.

Baseball Cap - Milwaukee Brewers owner Mark Attanasio continues to push for a Major League Baseball salary cap to level the playing field. Read here.

Swimsuit Edition

Written by Rudy on February 11, 2009 - 10:46 am -

The Rudy Report wants to give all its readers hope, reassuring that nothing in the report will change, which you should strongly believe in, today on a very appropriate "National Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk Day." A-Rod continues to be the focus of the sports world, even in Elkhart, Indiana, as Sports Illustrated reveals Bar Refaeli on the cover of its "Swimsuit Edition." Since all the lame "Bar" jokes have been made by others, the Rudy Report will continue making fun of Alex Rodriguez. Not to be outdone by SI, the Rudy Report picked A-Roid (see picture below) to be on its cover of the famous RR Swimsuit edition.


Rumors about several interesting trades in the NBA have surfaced. The Mavericks, in need of a guard, are considering Stephon Marbury or Steve Nash, while the Suns would like to let Shaq or Amar'e Stoudemire go. Another rumor is the possibility of Michael Vick joining the new UFL as a quarterback for one of the teams. Meanwhile, Sean Avery has returned to NY Rangers AHL affiliate Hartford Wolfpack to prepare for his NHL comeback. The Knicks had their first game of the week (vs. Golden State), but the Rudy Report was afraid to look at the score. Sorry! In the NHL, the New York Islanders lost against the LA Kings 4-3 in a shoot-out.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Mike Richards, Rafael van der Vaart, and Australian netball great Vicki Wilson. On this day in 1937, a sit-down strike (the laziest version of striking) ended when General Motors recognized the United Auto Workers Union. Have a great day, read what Hank the Tank finally had to say about the new A-Rod scandal in today's Dear Rudy, and find out why the inventor of the phone never called his wife in the Random Fact section!

TV Monopoly - BSkyB has been able to purchase 5 out of 6 broadcasting rights packages for the English Premier League, essentially driving Setanta, which got one package, out of the competition. Read here.

US Racing - Formula One will most likely announce the addition of a new US racing team, which will be headquartered in North Carolina. Read here.

Looking Good - The public likes the design of the new Florida Marlins ballpark, but officials are starting to question the benefits of the $600 million project. Read here.

Soccer Darwinism - Bayern Munich's president expects several bankruptcies of clubs, especially in England, suggesting that some were not financially responsible. Read here.