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Cooley's Contemplations: The New Weekly Column

Written by Rudy on February 13, 2009 - 5:59 am -

103 Damnations

One big name leaked into our laps so may we please have the remaining 103?

On Monday afternoon, New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez confessed to using performance-enhancing drugs (PEDs) for three seasons during his illustrious baseball career.

This is about as big of news as there has been since steroids, HGH and PEDs entered the diamond of the public eye. Baseball fans across the nation have been waiting for a confession like this, and the renaissance of cleaner games on the sandlot is eagerly anticipated by all.

But rest assured, there are many more dark days to come before the Steroid Era is gone.

This is a period in baseball that will never be forgotten. It will be talked about by our children, our children's children and their children's children. The game will eventually rid itself of this disease with its deep and rich history, and it looks like now could be the beginning of the cleansing process.

But more players must follow the lead Alex Rodriguez provided.

Rodriguez has been a Mariner, a Ranger and a Yankee, but on Monday he was a sacrificial lamb. He tossed aside his pride and said, "I am pretty tired of being stupid and selfish and the truth needed to be told a long time ago, and I'm glad it's coming out today. I was young, I was stupid, I was naive. I am very sorry and deeply regretful."

Rodriguez seemed to be sincerely remorseful for taking illegal PEDs from 2001 to 2003 while playing for Texas. As he gave his testimony to Peter Gammons sitting in a chair with a blue sweater and white collar, he appeared to be relieved, scared, contemplative and emotional all at the same time. He even began to choke-up when speaking about his fans "that will never look at (him) the same."

Perhaps his white collar in the interview had an unknowing symbolic significance. Maybe it proves that even celebrities are normal people, just like the white collar worker who is prone to human error.

Rodriguez coming clean in front of the nation is commendable, but he should have done it sooner. When Jason Giambi and Andy Pettitte admitted their transgressions a new found respect from fans, coaches, players and the media surfaced.

Over time, this will most likely happen with Rodriguez as well. But now while the iron is hot, the other 103 players should raise their hands and also confess to what they did.

In 2003, Major League Baseball gave an unannounced drug test to a group of active players to see if mandatory, random testings were needed in the sport. After results were gathered and it was determined baseball had a steroid problem, MLB was going to destroy the 104 positive samples, but the federal government issued a subpoena and the list was taken by investigators.

This testing was a secret screening where the results were supposed to be kept confidential and no punishments for positive results were to be handed out. The players' samples were even locked away in one location while the list was stored in another.

One can't help but image what sort of encasement the list and samples were kept in and what kind of credentials a person needed to access them? Did the key holder have to go through a series of fingerprint and retina scans to get to the list?

It kind of sounds like Area 51 with the extra terrestrials and the government hiding everything.

The same place one might find the remaining 103 culprits who cheated the game, the fans and their teams.

Why is it fair for one player to be thrown to the wolves but not the others? Why was it that only Rodriguez's name was divulged from this confidential investigation? Is it so terrible to ask for others to come forward?

Honesty has always been and will always be the best policy.

Houston Astros shortstop Miguel Tejada is expected to appear in court on Wednesday for lying to Congressional investigators when he told them he had not taken PEDs during his baseball career. He is expected to enter a guilty plea.

It looks as if Tejada is one of the lingering 103. Perhaps baseball fans will be able to cross a second name off the infamous list.

Beyond the shadows where the cowardly will remain silent is a tiny golf clap of applause for what Alex Rodriguez accomplished on Monday. The praise can be heard over the continuous song of sarcastic pity played by the critics who hold the world's smallest violin.

"Regardless of what we want to mask and say and justify there is absolutely no excuse for what I did," stated Rodriguez. "If I was a fan, I would be very pissed off."

We are very pissed off. But we are also human and have the ability to forgive, but that begins with more players admitting guilt.

Rodriguez got the monkey off his back, now we need to get the elephant out of the room.

Scott Cooley has worked in the communications industry throughout his professional career and has been published on multiple media platforms. His writing evokes thought into the minds of his readers by challenging majority viewpoints with a witty and entertaining style. Cooley is a freelance writer who is always looking for additional work. 

Champagne Celebration

Written by Rudy on February 12, 2009 - 9:12 am -

With Valentine's Day coming up, the Rudy Report would like to express its love to all you great readers, but before the big love day arrives, let some of us celebrate "National Satisfied Staying Single Day." Wow, so Brett Favre has finally announced his retirement. However, we won't know for sure if he really retired until the beginning of next season... The Rudy Report's Chelsea rumor became reality when Guus Hiddink  (see picture below) was confirmed as the club's new coach. US skiing shooting-star Lindsey Vonn won't be able to participate in the final race at the world championships, because she injured her thumb while trying to open a champagne bottle after winning the downhill gold medal. So drink, and open drinks, responsibly!


Meanwhile, politicians have taken a step back, saying that they are no longer asking Citi to break their sponsorship deal with the New York Mets. After having another devastating loss against Golden State, the Knicks took on the LA Clippers last night. Who really cares about the winner of that game? Rudy doesn't. Anyways, the New York Rangers had a shoot-out victory over Washington. The New Jersey Devils beat the Islanders 4-2.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Owen Nolan, Antonio Chatman ("Rudy Report Suggested Nickname" for the NFL running back: "Instant Message"), and Bill Russell. On this day in 1879, the first artificial ice rink in North America opened at Gilmore's Park in New York City. Have a great day, enjoy today's Dear Rudy by Leggy Brit about Michael Phelps, and find out what men can do better than women in the Random Fact section!

Olympic Costs - A report in the Wall Street Journal is discussing the implications of huge budgets for Olympic Games during the global recession. Read here.

Time to Leave - As Louisiana state is unable to make full payments to local sports franchises, the NBA Hornets and NFL Saints might be free to relocate. Read here.

Opposition - Top European soccer clubs have expressed concerns about the UEFA's recent plan to implement salary caps. Read here.

Increased Investment - Part owner of the Charlotte Bobcats, Michael Jordan, says that he would be interested in increasing his stake in the NBA franchise. Read here.

NASCAR Alive - The Daytona 500 on Sunday will mark the beginning of the NASCAR season and the sport is poised to fight its way through the financial crisis. Read here.

Fight for the Right to TV - Setanta has stated that it will try to regain the Premier League broadcasting rights that it lost in order to keep subscribers. Read here.

Baseball Cap - Milwaukee Brewers owner Mark Attanasio continues to push for a Major League Baseball salary cap to level the playing field. Read here.

Swimsuit Edition

Written by Rudy on February 11, 2009 - 10:46 am -

The Rudy Report wants to give all its readers hope, reassuring that nothing in the report will change, which you should strongly believe in, today on a very appropriate "National Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk Day." A-Rod continues to be the focus of the sports world, even in Elkhart, Indiana, as Sports Illustrated reveals Bar Refaeli on the cover of its "Swimsuit Edition." Since all the lame "Bar" jokes have been made by others, the Rudy Report will continue making fun of Alex Rodriguez. Not to be outdone by SI, the Rudy Report picked A-Roid (see picture below) to be on its cover of the famous RR Swimsuit edition.


Rumors about several interesting trades in the NBA have surfaced. The Mavericks, in need of a guard, are considering Stephon Marbury or Steve Nash, while the Suns would like to let Shaq or Amar'e Stoudemire go. Another rumor is the possibility of Michael Vick joining the new UFL as a quarterback for one of the teams. Meanwhile, Sean Avery has returned to NY Rangers AHL affiliate Hartford Wolfpack to prepare for his NHL comeback. The Knicks had their first game of the week (vs. Golden State), but the Rudy Report was afraid to look at the score. Sorry! In the NHL, the New York Islanders lost against the LA Kings 4-3 in a shoot-out.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Mike Richards, Rafael van der Vaart, and Australian netball great Vicki Wilson. On this day in 1937, a sit-down strike (the laziest version of striking) ended when General Motors recognized the United Auto Workers Union. Have a great day, read what Hank the Tank finally had to say about the new A-Rod scandal in today's Dear Rudy, and find out why the inventor of the phone never called his wife in the Random Fact section!

TV Monopoly - BSkyB has been able to purchase 5 out of 6 broadcasting rights packages for the English Premier League, essentially driving Setanta, which got one package, out of the competition. Read here.

US Racing - Formula One will most likely announce the addition of a new US racing team, which will be headquartered in North Carolina. Read here.

Looking Good - The public likes the design of the new Florida Marlins ballpark, but officials are starting to question the benefits of the $600 million project. Read here.

Soccer Darwinism - Bayern Munich's president expects several bankruptcies of clubs, especially in England, suggesting that some were not financially responsible. Read here.

If Looks Could...

Written by Rudy on February 10, 2009 - 8:43 am -

As A-Rod develops into the "Bernie Madoff of Sports", the Rudy Report stays focused on cutting edge information and only the very best news for you, today on "National Wave All Your Finger at Your Neighbor Day." By the way, if A-Rod is found guilty of taking steroids, he does not have to go to jail. Instead, it looks like he would be put on house arrest at Jose Canseco's house. Asked by reporters about the allegations, A-Rod (pictured below, for a second day in a row) had no comment, but this interesting look on his face...

Rod 1_1

Don't worry, there's also big news: Former Giants star Lawrence Taylor will participate in Season 8 of "Dancing with the Stars." In London, after struggling so far this season, Chelsea FC fired coach Luiz Felipe Scolari. Dutch coach Guus Hiddink is rumored to become his successor. The New York Rangers had to travel to New Jersey and lost against the Devils 3-0. Now they can at least travel back to Manhattan, while the Devils have to stay in Jersey...

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Mark Spitz (the guy with the 7 drug-free Olympic gold medals), Ty Law, and Lance Berkman. On this day in 1996, IBM supercomputer "Deep Blue" defeated chessmaster Garry Kasparov for the first time. A recession version of the computer called "Deep Red" is now available... Have a fantastic day, check out today's Dear Rudy about Coldplay at the Grammy's, and educate yourself by reading a really interesting Random Fact of the Day!

Foreverton - The never-ending quest for a new Everton Football Club stadium continues with a final decision expected in June. Read here.

Little League - New football league, UFL, has announced that it will begin play in October with just 4 teams, all of which are partially owned by Nancy Pelosi's husband. Read here.

Spending Cap - The UEFA has confirmed that several committees are currently working on regulations that would restrict spending for European soccer clubs. Read here.

Relocation - The MLB Oakland Athletics will soon be ready to submit paperwork regarding a location adjustment for their new ballpark. Read here.

Arena For Sale - London's O2 Arena, the world's most successful live music venue, is on sale for approximately $50 million. Read here.

Germany No. 1

Written by Rudy on February 09, 2009 - 7:17 am -

A study by the BBC has found that Germany is the world's favorite country. Who would have thought that? In any case, none of this would have been possible without the help of Germany's shining star, David Hasselhoff. I guess, anything is possible, especially on "National Girls and Women in Sports Day." Shocking news have reached the Yankees, when a Sports Illustrated report stated that Alex "A-Roid" Rodriguez (see picture below) tested positive for steroids in 2003. The delusion you get from taking steroids would explain why A-Rod dated Madonna. Why did it take so long to figure this out? Clearly, there were signs, just like there were signs for Bernie Madoff's fraud. The Rudy Report has confidential information that Madoff once gave his scheme away, also in 2003, when ordering at an Asian restaurant: "I'd like to get the King Crab with sweet Ponzi sauce.....I mean, PONZU, Ponzu sauce..."


There are rumors that bad boy and Vogue intern Sean Avery might return to New York. Not for a role in MTV's "The City", but to actually play for the Rangers again. We'll see what happens. In the Premier League, Manchester United and Liverpool won their games, the Arsenal-Tottenham North London Derby ended 0-0, and Chlesea also only had a draw. This weekend, the Islanders lost against Tampa, and the Rangers had a loss against Dallas. The NFL Pro Bowl took place in Hawaii with the NFC beating the AFC 30-21 and Larry Fitzgerald earning MVP honors. The New York Knicks lost in the very last second against Portland, ending a rough week, which included losses against Boston, Cleveland, and the Lakers.

The Rudy Report says Happy Birthday to Vladimir Guerrero (Russian first name, Hispanic last name. Suspicious, huh?), Darren Ferguson, and figure skater Irina Slutskaya (don't judge her by the last name). On this day in 1900, the tennis Davis Cup (a.k.a. this one tournament that nobody watches) was established. Have a great week, read the Dear Rudy to find out which bank will fail next, and see what Charles Barkley had to say in today's Funny Sports Quote!

Desert Sox - Chicago White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf has said that he is not interested in buying the struggling NHL Phoenix Coyotes. Read here.

Gerry Sutcliffe Equal Pay Act - UK's Minister of Sports, Gerry Sutcliffe, is asking the Premier League to evenly distribute media money all the way down to grassroots projects. Read here.

No Worries - The New York Mets emphasize that the franchise is still financially sound, despite owner's involvement in Madoff case. Read here.

Double the Cost, Half the Fun - The construction for the brand-new London 2012 Olympic Stadium is expected to see costs doubling from original estimates. Read here.

Bad Timing - A year ago, the Dallas Cowboys had good chances to sign the biggest naming rights deal ever for their new stadium, which changed because of the recession. Read here.