Welcome guest |
In order to remain hip, cool, young, informative, and most of all responsive to the readers, the Rudy Report has created “Dear Rudy”.
THE place where readers speak out. In this section, YOU, the reader, can submit comments or questions to the Rudy Report that will be posted either with your name or anonymously. Where appropriate, the Rudy Report might have an answer or a follow-up comment. However, “Dear Rudy” is much more than just a blog for readers. Here, you can also submit a note if you are looking for a roommate for your apartment or if anybody wants to adopt your dog or something like that. This section might be empty on certain days if there are no comments. So speak out and let Rudy know what’s on your mind! (Submit your comments in the text box at the bottom of this page)
$27 Million for Pom-Poms
Written by Hank the Tank on October 17, 2012 - 6:12 am -Dear Rudy,
I have made no efforts to hold back the hate on A-Hole (Yankees player Alex Rodrigues) over the years. This guy is a waste of space and it was made clear last night when he got pinch hit for and a real gutsy player with heart got the job done (Note: The report was submitted on October 10th 2012).
What gets me going is how much of a big deal some people are making about Mrs. Rodriguez and how humble she is being and being the first player at the top of the steps to slap hands. Sorry but what the fu@$ does that mean? Are we supposed to be happy he is a good sport? He should be traded, no better yet released and made to sell hot dogs to the fans for the rest of his contract. Make the guy work for his money, and if he wants he can join the grounds crew with his pom-poms and cheer after they do the YMCA. We can have the Mrs. do the why do they pay me?
Hank the Tank
$27 Million for Pom-Poms
Written by Rudy on October 17, 2012 - 6:12 am -Dear Hank the Tank,
you submitted this Dear Rudy last week, but due to Rudy's deployment to once again save the world, a response had to wait for a few days. However, your question remains as current as ever! At this very moment, A-Rod is as useless as an Austrian farmer jumping 26 miles out of a balloon. What's the point of their existence? All we learn is that $27 million a year or Red Bull consumption encourage people to make bad decisions. A-Rod is also as useless as undecided voters asking candidates questions while fumbling with their notes. I don't know about you, but "Jeremy" (the student that is worried about his future) will not ever get a job, even in an economy with full employment. The only hope for A-Rod is his ever-increasing binder of women. Clearly, the chick that gave him his number during (!) a game knows less about baseball than Vikram Pandit knows about succession plans. In any case, we wish John Thain all the best as the new Citi CEO. Anyways, I wasn't done yet. A-Rod has lately been as useless as the domain MetsPlayoffTickets.com (sorry, Lodo Solutions, that one is more than highly speculative). By the way, did you know that A-Rod has gone as long without a hit a Chris Brown? The real problem is that he hasn't abused steroids in a while. It does make a difference. So how can you motivate that guy? Give him a raise? That would be as useless as an ejection seat in a helicopter (take a moment to think about that one). Either way, Yankees fans need to stand behind their team and each and every player. It's time to hope for the best and some positive distraction, like a DUI arrest, a sex tape, or at least dating a Kardashian.
Best,
Rudy
Mets
Written by Hank the Tank on October 01, 2012 - 7:49 pm -Dear Rudy,
It has been a while, but today's (submitted on 9/27) events inspired me to write. Why all the hullabaloo about RA Dickey (try adding a U in front of that name)? 20 games is nothing to laugh at, but remember the last pitcher for the Mets to do that? It was Frank Viola.
Some people may say who? Exactly, one year, 20 the next year, voila he's gone down the crapper. If I were a Mets fan, I'd be less jazzed up about Dickey, cause my team sucks and root for the Yankees; the only team in NY. We may have an A-Hole on 3rd, but we keep our privates in our pants with class and not on posters.
Hank the Tank
Mets
Written by Rudy on October 01, 2012 - 7:49 pm -Dear Hank the Tank,
thank you for starting October in style with a new Dear Rudy. As you know, the New York Mets have been underwhelming us with their performances for decades. That is why it is hard to find some positive facts about the franchise. The hullabaloo is a result of this lack of interesting statistics. RA Dickey (the first Mets pitcher since 1990 to win 20 games in a season) now stands with Mets pitching legends, who have all done it before: Frank "The Piano" Viola, few will remember Japanese pitching sensation Uno Dong from the 70s, or left-handed reliever Richard Cocker. But wait, there's more! Rudy dug deep in our proprietary database and actually found some more inspiring facts that should make Mets fans proud, here we go: 1.) David Wright has gone 4 (straight) months without peeing in bed. 2.) Ike Davis has never been arrested for a DUI. 3.) Catcher Kelly Shoppach recently made it to the 3rd round of "Dancing with the Stars" preliminary regionals (the non-televised portion of the show). 4.) Mets owner Fred Wilpon reported a 2.3% return on a quick trade of Facebook stock (the first Mets profit since 1971). And, 5.) Outfielder Jason Bay won second place in a "Jake Gyllenhaal Lookalike Contest." As you can see, Mets history does not look as bleak as it seems when looking at the standings or their trophy case (Listed in Guinness Book of World Records as Smallest Trophy Case of Any Sports Team). It is tough to be a Mets fan. In fact, they are a dying breed. Their situation has become so desperate that children in Somalia and hurricane victims in South East Asia have pledged financial report to pull them out of their misery. Let's hope it works.
Best,
Rudy
Restaurant Guide
Written by Rudyvaldo on July 13, 2012 - 6:20 am -Dear Rudy,
talking about soccer... With the Euro 2012 (European Championship), some 7-star restaurants created special soccer menus. One of the best dishes is the Teamburger! What happened with the world-famous Rudy Report Restaurant Guide? Any news?
Enjoy your meal, yours,
Rudyvaldo
Restaurant Guide
Written by Rudy on July 13, 2012 - 6:20 am -Dear Rudyvaldo,
the Euro 2012 is over now, but the Rudy Report Restaurant Guide remains. Thank you for your thoughtful question, that can only be compared in thoughtfulness to the compassionate actions of Bashar al-Assad towards his beloved people of Syria. Anyways, the Teamburger is certainly a great idea, but Rudy prefers the "Teampizza", because there is an "i" in Teampizza. You are absolutely right with your observation; the Rudy Report Restaurant Guide has laid dormant for quite some time. Is it because Rudy has gotten lazy? Of course not! So why haven't we updated the guide in a while? Well, that's because we have been way ahead of our time. We were so cutting edge and forward that it has not been and still is not necessary to renew it. Sure, there are some restaurants that don't exist anymore, but we all love vintage. Right? Rudy is proud to say that we are more current with our guide than the US Census bureau is with its population count. We are also more current than Ed Hardy clothing (unless you count the Jersey Shore, which you would only count if you don't know the Rudy Report). We would also like to highlight that we are more up-to-date than David Hasselhoff's latest album, which has been revolutionary for decades. His single "Looking for Freedom" has encouraged people all over the Middle East to abandon their falafel carts and fight for democracy. They now question politics, while they still do not question the ingredients of their kebabs. Anyways, I am digressing... And, the Rudy Report Restaurant Guide is also more current than Greece is with its credit card payments. You see, Rudyvaldo, the world-famous Rudy Report Restaurant Guide is as strong as ever. The next update is already in the making...
Best,
Rudy