Categories

Recent Comments

Today October 21, 2017
Dear Rudy

In order to remain hip, cool, young, informative, and most of all responsive to the readers, the Rudy Report has created “Dear Rudy”.
THE place where readers speak out. In this section, YOU, the reader, can submit comments or questions to the Rudy Report that will be posted either with your name or anonymously. Where appropriate, the Rudy Report might have an answer or a follow-up comment. However, “Dear Rudy” is much more than just a blog for readers. Here, you can also submit a note if you are looking for a roommate for your apartment or if anybody wants to adopt your dog or something like that. This section might be empty on certain days if there are no comments. So speak out and let Rudy know what’s on your mind! (Submit your comments in the text box at the bottom of this page)

Americans 

Written by Dave Sharp on June 30, 2015 - 4:37 pm -

Dear Rudy,

I’ve just received the following e-mail:

"A message that has been sent to you was blocked by our monitoring software because it may contain unacceptable language, or inappropriate material.

From: newsletter@businessinsider.com To: d.sharp@rathbones.com 
Subject: Here's what Americans do all day"

My question is: What do Americans do all day? And why is my work e-mail filter blocking it?

Yours in anticipation,

Dave Sharp

Americans 

Written by Rudy on June 30, 2015 - 4:37 pm -

Dear Dave Sharp,

that is the most un-American thing I have heard since the liberal media's (unjust) criticism of Donald Trump's presidential speech! Your work e-mail filter is essentially blocking freedom. As a result, Rudy is very sorry that you have to work for a Communist company. Don't be surprised if your offices get invaded by special forces overnight to restore democracy and open a McDonald's branch downstairs. Anyways, so what do Americans do all day? Well, they do American things, like eating tacos, driving German cars, and wearing clothes made in China. They also love to overpay for subpar health care services. Americans enjoy watching boxy cars go around in a circle 500 times, unless, of course (God forbid), it starts to rain a bit, which clearly makes it impossible for a car to drive on a road. #A #fairly #new #TrendinAmerica #is #the #use #of #the #hashtag #whenever #possible. Americans love to be free and voice their opinions, unless, of course, it is about touchy subjetcs, such as black people, homosexuals, 9/11, political incorrectness, tall people, short people, food, pencils, women, men, cats, dogs, Kardashians, drinks, chewing gum, basketball, bathrooms, selfie sticks, 7/11, bluetooth, or plants. Then, you have to be careful. Because if you're not, you may get fired from your job and never ever be allowed to do anything anymore for the rest of your life, unless, of course, you are "Client No. 9" Eliot Spitzer. And that's probably because he is Jewish (Did your language filter kill that sentence?). You can't even call a Chinese broker selling apartments in Manhattan a Real Estate Asian. That would be offensive in 31 out of all 58 states (including Iraq, Afghanistan, Ukraine, and some other colonies). Your filter blocking this message to me is another hacking scandal, comparable to the most recent tragic and disastrous hacking scandal of Tiger Woods on the golf course at the US Open. I have to go, my double whopper super sizer cronut burger is ready!

Happy 4th of July,

Rudy 

Bill Simmons 

Written by Dave Sharp on September 26, 2014 - 6:07 am -

Dear Rudy,

so Bill Simmons has been suspended for making “inappropriate remarks” about Roger Goodell. Since when has calling someone a liar been classed as “inappropriate”? Especially, if that person actually is a liar. I’m sure Roger Goodell has lied at least once in his life. Also, I can’t help but notice that the suspension is much worse than Stephen A. Smith got. Who’s in charge of this justice department, Kim Jong Un? Let's hope ESPN never runs a school.

My case rests,

Dave Sharp

Bill Simmons 

Written by Rudy on September 26, 2014 - 6:07 am -

Dear Dave,

you are bringing up an important issue: What is appropriate and politically correct these days and what is not? It feels like society has become weak and afraid to say anything in the United States. Freedom of speech has become very limited. Yes, Bill Simmons had a moment where he African American-ed out, but he is a commentator that needs to use strong words to make his points. Not everything in life is clear cut African American and white. If we get too soft, everyone may end up in jail, like in the TV show "Orange is the new African American", for saying a wrong word or two. By the way, who does Stephen A. Smith think he is for insisting about having that annoying "A" in the middle of his name? Am I the only one that gets angry just by hearing his name in its entirety EVERY freaking time?!? There are tons of Stephen Smiths out there, but he clearly must think that he is better than them; hence the "A"! That alone is inappropriate and discriminates against everyone else named Stephen Smith. God forbid someone calls him Steve. Anyways, I am digressing. If we can suspend Bill Simmons for calling the commissioner a liar, should we start bleeping out the word "Redskins" every time a commentator says it? It might happen! There are so many traps you can walk into in society now, it feels like you get the question "Does this make me look fat?" 20-times a day, and just one wrong answer can make you an outcast forever. But let me tell you, Dave Sharp, the Rudy Report is your safe haven. Here you can still say the word fuck without having to do these silly ****. Do people really think that kids do not know what "f*** you" stands for? Let's not get too sensitive.

Sincerely,

Rudy 

Donald Sterling 

Written by Kewell Kangaroo on May 01, 2014 - 7:36 am -

Dear Rudy,

What do we do about Donald Sterling? I thought, we live in the time of "sticks and stones my break my bones, but words will never hurt me." I think, it's much ado about nothing. If TMZ recorded all our private conversations, they would all probably offend someone. I think, the appropriate action would be to "pound Sterling" and deport him to the UK.

Best,

Kewell Kangaroo 

Donald Sterling 

Written by Rudy on May 01, 2014 - 7:36 am -

Dear Kewell Kangaroo,

the NBA has spoken by issuing a lifetime ban for Donald Sterling. However, the Rudy Report - as the overarching authority - will clearly come to its own conclusions after we conduct a quick investigation (which, by the way, is a term that describes hiring lawyers that do not know anything, but will confirm whatever needs to be confirmed). NBA Commissioner Adam Silver was applauded for his actions. The question remains whether Sterling will sue or not. It would lead to a Sterling-Silver showdown. However, everyone that is a chemist knows that Sterling Silver consists of 92.5% Silver, which should give the NBA a significant edge. You can certainly pound Sterling as you suggest, Kewell Kangaroo. But at what cost? At what exchange rate? By the way, Rudy would also not want anyone to bring Magic Johnson to his games. Not because he is black, but because he has AIDS. We don't want to risk anything. That, my friends, is truly scary. Anyways, the basketball world was deeply hurt by the words of Sterling. 6'5+ feet tall and 200+ pound heavy players that can bench press 500 pounds now can finally start their healing process, kind of like "Beliebers" do when Justin announces he has a new girlfriend or boyfriend. It's tough to move forward after such a scandal when you know that the only motivation comes from a million dollar salary. One thing we can definitely hold against Sterling, however, is his very own choice of significant other. He dated a girl that was half Mexican and half African-American. Is it just me or did he apply some kind of double standard? What kind of mixed message did he send to his own racism? The Rudy Report does not accept double standards of any kind. Furthermore, the NBA should have known what it was getting into when approving Sterling in the first place. Doesn't anyone that buys and keeps the Clippers already exhibit bad judgment? And, if you don't like black people, maybe he should have concluded by himself that basketball is not for him? Why not buy a lacrosse or swimming team? Sterling gets banned on stupidity for what you say at home should stay at home. Either way, if the NBA was consequent, they would ban everyone that has made racist remarks, like using the N-word, for example. That way, the league would be almost completely out of players, and definitely out of musical options.

Sincerely,

Rudy 

Write to Rudy

Name/Nickname: *  
E-Mail Address:  
Subject:  
Message: *